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Albatross

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I am at an impasse
I don't know what to do
Because I have built my life around
Trying to become you

Turns out that I'm a failure
Turns out I can't do it at all
I guess that I can go now
And never hear that call

The call of you with pride
The call of you with joy
The sound of you talking to me
In a understanding voice

There is no reason for you to hate me
Except that I cannot be
The person who you wanted
I guess I'm stuck being me

The hard part is I'm trying
The hard part is I tried
There is nothing easy now
If they say there is, they lied

So now I sit here lonely
And unsure what to do
Because I know I've failed it all
By not becoming you

The time that I spent planning
I guess it never mattered
The fingerprints that I washed away
Mean nothing when blood is spattered

It is as if I've killed a man
Instead of simply failed
But as a fool, you surly greet
"Come hither freak", you hail

You mean no harm in hurting me
You see not how it burns
Because you are you and I am me
There is no taking turns

So often dreams peruse us
We do not peruse our dreams
Because there is often something
That simply stands between

Now I look on past that
And stare into the sun
There is no past unto my future
In the battle I never won

The swords are laid aside now
Because I accept defeat
I worked quite hard to learn
But I lay it at your feet

There is nothing left to whisper
No grand audue to grant
Because no one talks to failures
"It's impossible, you can't"

So often tears will sting me
With the salt they take away
And I will never remember
To forget my dying die

For though my body continues
I know now how I failed
And how if only I had been you
With victory I would have prevailed

With eyes cast down I'll exist
With time warn out I'll leave
Because with me standing here
You find it hard to breath

I suffocate you with failure
I suffocate myself with need
And yet there is nothing I can do
Because the fool must heed

"Heed the elders now, child"
"Heed the boys now, girl"
And heed the ones you strive to be
Who evade you in this world

"So turn and take the door now
Turn don't look on back
Because the time has gone now
And has burned and flamed the past"

What's lost was lost in silence
Nothing gained but loss
And with failure I continue
I am your albatross





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