Ship In A Bottle

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White sails flowing.
A lighthouse stands straight and tall
in the distance.
The tall masts
shadow over the long hull.
A series of shrouds and halyards
run up and down by the flag.
So detailed.
The colors were hoisted.
Blue water sparkled underneath the
magnificent boat.
But the beautifully crafted boat
was stuck in a glass bottle.
A boring glass bottle.
Never to see the world.
Just the inside of that
boring glass bottle.





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.Izzy. said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm
This is great! I loved the imagery of the magestic boat, and then we find out that it is stuck in a bottle. How its stuck and cannot go out and experience what the world has to offer.
 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Thanks! :) This is one of the first things I have written...
 
BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I love the words you use except for one: "boring" . It just does'nt fit with the rest. Of course, now that I think hard about it maybe that's intentional? To contrast the prison with the prisoner? Still, a quick read does'nt really reveal that kind of depth and the word just sort of jars.

 

Also, I think maybe you should break the lines diferently. Each line should contribute to the rythm and/or convey a distinct idea. Not necesarily a sentice or phrase, just and idea. And ... (more »)

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm
That's what I was shooting for when I put boring in there...
 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm
and thanks
 
cowgirl4ever said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I like this!! You have some nice imagery, and a nice flow to the poem. Keep writing!! :)
 
sakina replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Hmmm... Its nice but i feel you need to improve more and keep writing more to do more.. And check out my poems... Silence , Ego kills love,Love kills Ego..

dreams,love,Relationships,education:)

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

thanks!:)

 

 
Mariam.J replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I love the imagery of this poem.

I think it's fantastic just the way it is ( :

What exactly does it mean? To you?

To me, it meant something beautiful held in captivity, never being able to experience the world.

I loved it (:

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 1:24 pm
My family thinks that I'm not old enough to understand anything and they keep me caged up in the house and it metaphorical i guess to my life... i never thought of it like that... I have always loved boats because they get to go anywhere and everywhere and experience the world and I've always wanted to be able to do that but I can't because Im stuck in that glass bottle my family puts me in.
 
Mariam.J replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Wow, this poem is a beautiful interpretation of what your feeling.

Awww, no...

I don't think there's really an age to understand life or whatever, it depends on your maturity level and how much you've gone through and what your ambitions are.

But with talent like this, you're gonna go far (:

Hope to see more :D .

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Thanks!:) I hope so too... And I agree! My parents don't even let me write poetry... I do anyways but i'm not supposed to be because it's not what young proper ladies should me spending their time doing... :/
 
Mariam.J replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:30 am

Oh, wow! Really?!!

That's kinda harsh, if you don't me saying so :/

But, you've got obvious talent :O

Have you ever showed them any of your poems? :/

 

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 11:53 am
Yeah, I tryed... And my mom got very mad, I showed her one that I really liked and she picked it apart and pointed out evry thing she didn't like(Which was almost every thing) and she thought it was "dark" and so she took my whole folder and flipped thru and then she got really mad bcuz of some of the stuff I write about... so she said I can't write anymore... :/
 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 11:53 am
and thank you by the way!! :)
 
Mariam.J replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Wow, that's really... sad, no offence.

Well, normally I'd advise you NOT to do anything against you parents' wishes but this time, I'd say GO FOR IT ! :D

 
Reader101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Haha thanks... and don't worry I will!!! i LOVE being rebellious!!! :)))
 
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