Ship In A Bottle

June 27, 2011
By Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114


White sails flowing.
A lighthouse stands straight and tall
in the distance.
The tall masts
shadow over the long hull.
A series of shrouds and halyards
run up and down by the flag.
So detailed.
The colors were hoisted.
Blue water sparkled underneath the
magnificent boat.
But the beautifully crafted boat
was stuck in a glass bottle.
A boring glass bottle.
Never to see the world.
Just the inside of that
boring glass bottle.



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This article has 17 comments.


on Jun. 30 2011 at 12:58 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

Haha thanks... and don't worry I will!!! i LOVE being rebellious!!! :)))

Mariam.J GOLD said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 12:56 pm
Mariam.J GOLD, Dubai, Other
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't have many favourite quotes , though I do love the truth that 'change is constant .'
For you , a thousand times over - Hassan , The Kite Runner
If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time , don't drag your feet - Rudyard Kipling

Wow, that's really... sad, no offence.

Well, normally I'd advise you NOT to do anything against you parents' wishes but this time, I'd say GO FOR IT ! :D


on Jun. 30 2011 at 11:53 am
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

and thank you by the way!! :)

on Jun. 30 2011 at 11:53 am
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

Yeah, I tryed... And my mom got very mad, I showed her one that I really liked and she picked it apart and pointed out evry thing she didn't like(Which was almost every thing) and she thought it was "dark" and so she took my whole folder and flipped thru and then she got really mad bcuz of some of the stuff I write about... so she said I can't write anymore... :/

Mariam.J GOLD said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 1:30 am
Mariam.J GOLD, Dubai, Other
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't have many favourite quotes , though I do love the truth that 'change is constant .'
For you , a thousand times over - Hassan , The Kite Runner
If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time , don't drag your feet - Rudyard Kipling

Oh, wow! Really?!!

That's kinda harsh, if you don't me saying so :/

But, you've got obvious talent :O

Have you ever showed them any of your poems? :/

 


on Jun. 29 2011 at 5:24 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

and thanks

on Jun. 29 2011 at 5:24 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

That's what I was shooting for when I put boring in there...

on Jun. 29 2011 at 5:20 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

Thanks! :) This is one of the first things I have written...

on Jun. 29 2011 at 5:16 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

Thanks!:) I hope so too... And I agree! My parents don't even let me write poetry... I do anyways but i'm not supposed to be because it's not what young proper ladies should me spending their time doing... :/

.Izzy. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 3:19 pm
.Izzy. BRONZE, Broadview Heights, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 388 comments
This is great! I loved the imagery of the magestic boat, and then we find out that it is stuck in a bottle. How its stuck and cannot go out and experience what the world has to offer.

on Jun. 29 2011 at 2:26 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments

I love the words you use except for one: "boring" . It just does'nt fit with the rest. Of course, now that I think hard about it maybe that's intentional? To contrast the prison with the prisoner? Still, a quick read does'nt really reveal that kind of depth and the word just sort of jars.

 

Also, I think maybe you should break the lines diferently. Each line should contribute to the rythm and/or convey a distinct idea. Not necesarily a sentice or phrase, just and idea. And if you don't do either of those, at least be consistent in it. Unfortunately, I see none of these things.

 

I hope this feedback does'nt seem too harsh. I really think this poem is good for a first try. It has good descriptions and the overall metaphor is good, but there definitely are things I, at least, would change.


Mariam.J GOLD said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 1:44 pm
Mariam.J GOLD, Dubai, Other
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't have many favourite quotes , though I do love the truth that 'change is constant .'
For you , a thousand times over - Hassan , The Kite Runner
If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time , don't drag your feet - Rudyard Kipling

Wow, this poem is a beautiful interpretation of what your feeling.

Awww, no...

I don't think there's really an age to understand life or whatever, it depends on your maturity level and how much you've gone through and what your ambitions are.

But with talent like this, you're gonna go far (:

Hope to see more :D .


on Jun. 29 2011 at 1:24 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

My family thinks that I'm not old enough to understand anything and they keep me caged up in the house and it metaphorical i guess to my life... i never thought of it like that... I have always loved boats because they get to go anywhere and everywhere and experience the world and I've always wanted to be able to do that but I can't because Im stuck in that glass bottle my family puts me in.

Mariam.J GOLD said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 1:13 pm
Mariam.J GOLD, Dubai, Other
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't have many favourite quotes , though I do love the truth that 'change is constant .'
For you , a thousand times over - Hassan , The Kite Runner
If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time , don't drag your feet - Rudyard Kipling

I love the imagery of this poem.

I think it's fantastic just the way it is ( :

What exactly does it mean? To you?

To me, it meant something beautiful held in captivity, never being able to experience the world.

I loved it (:


on Jun. 29 2011 at 1:06 pm
Reader101 PLATINUM, Amarillo, Texas
42 articles 4 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it." -Andrew Clark(The Breakfast Club)

"Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do you what you want." -b_gomez114

thanks!:)

 


sakina GOLD said...
on Jun. 29 2011 at 12:55 pm
sakina GOLD, Chennai, Other
18 articles 13 photos 173 comments

Favorite Quote:
A negative thinker See's a difficulty in every opportunity but a positive thinker sees an opportunity in every difficulty. So always think positive and u'll surely B successful in LIFE.
-Hazrat Ali (A.S)

Hmmm... Its nice but i feel you need to improve more and keep writing more to do more.. And check out my poems... Silence , Ego kills love,Love kills Ego..

dreams,love,Relationships,education:)


on Jun. 29 2011 at 12:49 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 167 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

I like this!! You have some nice imagery, and a nice flow to the poem. Keep writing!! :)


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