My Treasure Box

June 12, 2011
I look down on my world
It swirls green
And blue
And white
And though many miles
Of empty space
Separate us
The sounds of life
Reach
My ears
The rustle of leaves
The rush of water
The shouts
The chirps
The barks
The cries
My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing
A treasure
Of life
But it is not
Alone
I look beyond
My home
And see countless
Others
None
The same
None
Worthless
The universe
Is my treasure box
And only treasures dwell here





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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 12:34 am

Seems to me like your a jack of all trades. Your poetry is near flawless , formatted or not , and your use of metaphor and descriptive words make this an enjoyable read. My favorite line is " The universe is my treasure box". Seriously , amazing job!

5 Stars :)

 
BeLoveToday This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 8:01 pm

I really enjoyed the metaphor you use; very creative. The interesting thing is that you could have gone a lot of different directions with this comparison, so the reader is anxiously awaiting your elaboration. I think that to improve this poem, you could consider going into more detail on specific moments. Instead of leaving it up to the reader's interpretation, zoom in on a few selected connections in the metaphor, and elaborate! Use those imagery skills, and draw us in with your language.&n... (more »)

 
WithPenAndScript said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Lovely poem!
 
Raytheraym said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 11:49 am
Great job! Really good metaphors. :)
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 3:13 pm
What a lovely poem! I love the meaning behind it. It a great way to view life as a treasure. It is. One that should never be wasted. Thank you for entering into the Personification contest! you will know the results by August 7th at the latest!
 
OceanFey This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:33 pm
This is beautiful. My favorite line is "the universe is my treasure box." :D
 
Mariam.J said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:31 am

G0d, this is pretty ( :

Really nice. The structure of the poem just makes it even more enjoyable to read :D

 
Reader101 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I absolutley love this... It doesn't sound like something I would write or even think about writing but the wayyou pulled it all together really made it good, even if it's not my style I love it! :)
 
Silent_Artist replied...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 9:27 pm
It's nice :)
 
b_gomez114 replied...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 11:20 pm
unique formatting, nicely done
 
BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm
It's not so much a format, as a lack of a format.
 
b_gomez114 replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Lack of format? Not possible in my opinion. Writing is an art, therefore you do what you want with it. However, unless you're writing complete gibberish, there is still some type of format to it..right?
 
BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 2:45 pm
what's wrong with gibberish?
 
b_gomez114 replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 9:59 am
Well I'm not too fond of it. but not everyone has the same opinion.
 
Reader101 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:02 am
b_gomez114.... i love what you just said about writing and formats.. its now on my last of favorite quotes:)
 
BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm
I am a staunch supporter of gibberish! lol.
 
JerseyGirl716 replied...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Gibberish is awesome, and if that's really what you did here I'll join the Support Gibberish Team! You did an awesome job, it's so simple yet really powerful. My favorite line is:

"My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing"

Just perfect!

 
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