A child's dream

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A young hope, desire, determination
Is found in nothing more than
A water slide.
Furrowing my brow, I climb
Higher
Higher
Sweating, climbing still

The words “give up” are bred
Not born into my pale speckled skin
A trait found in the same people who
laugh in your basement and drink
the harsh smelling stuff I once wondered about

Why it magically does mean things to your friends
Why it hardens our souls
Why it makes us silly
But not the kind of silly that I ever want to be

No, it seems more a dangerous silliness
A water slide you can never slip away from
Clutching your stomach
Clutching your dreams
Which grownups don’t have too many of
Anymore

But now, you are lost in my climb
Your encouraging smile hangs from your lips
Like a sweet Summer’s evening
Underrated, yet bursting
With comfort
The sun burns my skin
I hold onto the railing tighter
Willing myself
Not to disappoint

I have seen the disappointment
In other parents’ eyes
The harsh angling
The scolding begging to burst out of their cheeks
Will I ever be the source
Of that rage?

Maybe showing you that I am not afraid
Of the climb
Of the fear itself-
Like the thing one of those dead presidents once said
I am not afraid
I will not live by fear

Yet I do- I fear so much
That I will grow hate, resentment, discontent
Around that time that I grow hips
Oh, such ugly, horrid anger machines
I wish to just skip that phase
Even if it does win others’ love
The only love I’ll ever need
Is yours

Disappoint? You laugh it off.
“You could never do that!”
A quick embrace
Forever loving
A safety net to intertwine my body
To roll me up so tight, I will never have to see
The darkness that one day will clutch my dreams

But I’ve grown taller
I’ve grown older
The waterslide has disappeared
What once was indeed, a sole determination,
Now a childish dream
And we have disappointed

The rage, the rage!
Insanity in its purest form
Has visited my doorstep
The same time I grew hips
The need for your love masked,
Hidden
In the cellar of my secrets

The fear, oh the fear!
A new water slide each day
I have no wish to climb
The climb twirling, swirling,
within evil
Evil thoughts
Evil wishes
I could not even think
Before

I have finished the climb as a monster

Alas, I fear it too late
Can reparations be learn’t?
I wish to become something we weren’t
Without this second half, emptiness engulfs me
Just as the pool at the bottom
Of the waterslide
Did to a small, soft-skinned child

Shh, shh
Hush, child
Is that what I am now?
A child? Innocent as the little lamb?
I fear I’ve seen too much
To deserve the gift of innocence

A voice, a promise
That everything will be alright
I try, I yearn
To re-create such sweet melodies
A hollow voice echoes
Across the water’s gleam
An empty waterslide
I can no longer climb





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