Bitter Sweet

February 26, 2011
By Zaylie PLATINUM, Everett, Washington
Zaylie PLATINUM, Everett, Washington
24 articles 13 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the kind, the kind you take about it's just the kind that rips the clothing off your mind." -Flyleaf
"You feet in the air, Your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it yeah Your head will colapse when there's nothing it in."-Pixies


It's new
it's bitter sweet
but I'm full of pain

the light that was there
it's gone
along with my love

can't get it back
I cry
as I write

I try and try
but nothing comes
just blocks of nothing

cause now your eyes
they are blank
they show me nothing

no love
no attraction
no affection

so you can beat your eyes
as much as you like
but I'm leaving today

not because of someone
but because you show me nothing
so I cry at night

so you can keep the necklace
keep the ring
and keep my heart

cause now that you have it
I know I'm not getting it back
cause it's yours to but in the pile

If I ever would
it's wouldn't be whole
and it wouldn't be right

It's just a lie
you performed to me
as I watch with excitement

knowing now it was just a show
that now there's nothing to defend
I'll be on my way

you got what you wanted
now you can call me whatever it is you want
but don't ever think of coming around here again

cause you'll never here the end of it from me
you just a jerk like the rest
just another heart-stealer

so i cry
as i write
at this night

the plans i had no longer matter
never going to happen
i knew that they never would

nothing is for me
not after "R"
he left me just as you're about to leave me

should have seen it in you
cause truly your just like him
just the same old jerk

you say "I love you"
so I say "I love you 2"
and "I love you more"

but it always starts that way
now it's going to end
before I go into the black fog, again.

The author's comments:
It's about an ex-boyfriend.

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This article has 8 comments.


on Apr. 5 2011 at 5:36 pm
the_sparrow SILVER, Chicago, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

I think you could make a lot out of your short, "stuttered" (as beach put it) style. Only I would maybe alternate choppy stanzas with smooth, flowing ones. That would be cool, shows more movement.

on Mar. 29 2011 at 11:03 pm
Beachgirl1 PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
32 articles 4 photos 178 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If You Don't Fight Back, You've Already Lost."
"Don't suppress Laughter, it goes to your thighs."

a nice poem, a little short and stuttered but i like the feel of it

on Mar. 26 2011 at 5:00 pm
Gettysburg63 PLATINUM, Waukesha, Wisconsin
23 articles 1 photo 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired." -General George S. Patton

Very good job on the peom. I can't say that I'm a big fan of romantic poetry, but I can tell that you do have a talent. I think you ended the poem in a great way "before I go into the black fog, again." Keep up the good work!

Camii GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2011 at 11:44 am
Camii GOLD, Miami, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 75 comments

it's good! i liked the lines :

and keep my heart

cause now that you have it
I know I'm not getting it back
cause it's yours to but in the pile


on Mar. 20 2011 at 5:02 pm
HaleyDRog. GOLD, Easley, South Carolina
11 articles 14 photos 291 comments

Favorite Quote:
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. -Robert Frost

I loved the story and liked the words you used. It was a really nice piece to read. Keep it up!

on Mar. 19 2011 at 9:42 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

Ohhhh okay

on Mar. 19 2011 at 9:40 pm
Zaylie PLATINUM, Everett, Washington
24 articles 13 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the kind, the kind you take about it's just the kind that rips the clothing off your mind." -Flyleaf
"You feet in the air, Your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it yeah Your head will colapse when there's nothing it in."-Pixies

"You can beat your eyes"

 

Alex liked to do that he'd look down on me and just keep blinking like he had no idea what I was talking about.


on Mar. 19 2011 at 9:34 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

Some of your grammar was just a little messed up. Just pointing that out...I liked the "blocks of nothing" line a lot. I don't understand the "you can beat your eyes," what does that mean??

It feels a little dragged out, just the tiniest bit. I do like it though!



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