Unforgiveable

So much for going to sleep early,
that unexpected phone call
will be keeping me up
for hours.

I didn’t recognize your ringtone.
I was fading into an almost-sleep;
it startled me,
but then I knew.

My heart skipped when I realized
that you had thought to call.
I answered
with a smile.

Quick, cute conversation,
reinforcing admiration,
just as quickly
died.

Replaced by slow whispers,
words misunderstood
due to the crack
of almost-sobs.




That mysterious way you have
of ripping hope from me
then oh-so-slowly
returning it.

Givin up on you is not an option,
it isn’t something I can handle.
So I hold on to
the broken lie.

Realizing that I’m the bad guy
is shocking and heartbreaking.
I never knew
I was evil.

Apparently, they know better than I
of my own intentions.
Of course I only aimed
to hurt.

It would be absurd to imagine
I was only a silly teenager
who met an incredible
boy.

Who saw the beauty within him
and wanted to be a part,
wanted to be
just like him.


It’s ridiculous to think that I had love
that I just wanted to share
with someone I thought
deserved it.

Obviously, I was mistaken,
I couldn’t have done worse.
I have now become
unforgiveable.

This guilty feeling eats me away;
to know others hate me
and deem me to be
unassociated with.

I only bring harm to others,
only bring you down.
Please, just stay away –
I’m unstable.

Please, just stay away from me,
I don’t want to ruin you too.
Please, just please
go.





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