The Sadness of Who I Am

January 19, 2011
Cold, shuddering
Frozen to the bone
My one greatest fear
Seemed to strike at home

Gut wrenching and painful
Tear staining, disdainful
How one little thing an affect me so
To induce my most troubling state of woe

I keep this fear a secret
Even form those whom I love
So that they may be untroubled
Souls light as the flight of a dove

I hold it to myself and lock it in the dark
But when I take to my weakest
It always finds that spark
And gains another foothold
To leave yet another mark
An inerrant scar on my soul
A gaping un-healing hole

And now again it comes
My one and only greatest fear is simple and small
Yet has the power to overtake all

What if I am not anything
What if all I think I can do my “talents” are nothing but child play
My one fear is this and only this
That my accomplishments are nothing
I am but a lifeless outer shell
Nothing from my inside is truly showcased
I sometimes feel as if I am but a puppet
That my evil puppeteer is none but myself
I pull the strings and make my outer shell act in ways in which are simply not me
My inner beauty is but a forgotten dream
The very idea of it being shown to another seems laughable
I haven’t the ability to break my own strings for they have grown as sturdy as the trunk of an oak
Solid unbreakable, yet also silent unmoving
Growing old but not weary only more powerful
My life is my greatest fear
I am nearly taken over but the puppeteer oak strings
I wish to break free but cannot in many ways
I put on an image so unbreakable inerrant
Creativity locked inside
Beauty, love, my true divine emotions
Wasted
This is the sadness of who I am
But in the smallest corner
From the most miniscule crack
Leaks what I see as my real self
Too feeble to be exposed to others, but not to myself
I can feel ever so slightly the breath of the earth
The softness of the wind
The kiss of a breeze
The sound of silence
My real greatest fear is the my crack shall be entirely encased in solid oak
My outer image will overtake my inner
To such a point that it shall cease to exist
And when that day comes
Then so
shall I . . . . .





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