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Why I Write

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words
words whip around me
like snowflakes
like leaves
caught in a
hurricane wind

words
words pile up inside of me
in snowdrifts
in leaf piles
with no one to jump in them
laughing

words
words want to escape me
like birds
like bees
trapped inside a hive

but they can’t
not the normal way

words
words are broken inside me
caught in my throat
in my mind
pounding their fists on the locked door
with no key

they can’t come out
not the normal way

i can’t speak
and everyone knows
it
wonders why
that girl has
a
speaking
disorder

dis
or
der

failure
i know what that
sounds like
i’ve heard it
one
too many times

every broken word
that doesn’t make it
past
my lips
is another
failure

embarrassment
i know what that
feels like
i’ve felt it
one
too many times

every tense silence
that ends
with
someone else
speaking
is another
embarrassment

i know what helplessness
looks like
i’ve looked in the mirror
one
too many times


i know myself
myself
has seen
every tear
every broken shell
every letdown
and locked it away

but

when i was
four
my fingertips became magical
my soul opened
i put up arguments
sang beautiful songs
poured my feelings into poems
imagined stories in far away lands

all without saying
a word
i didn’t even have to open my mouth

words
words wanted to escape me
now
they come pelting down towards earth
like rain
soft summer rain

words
words pile up outside me
on neat stacks of black-typed letters
in white paper

words
words swirl around me
softly now
gently flying to the ground
on paper airplanes
and floating down a stream of words
in a skiff
made
of paper

the day my words
found a way
out
was the day
that I became
a
Writer





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