Death in a Bottle

Drinking his gluttony, lies, and fate,
It’s his life the bottle will take.
Depression, tears, and bruises surround him.
He drinks away his pain and numbs them.
The feelings are fake, over his life they take.

Running away from his problems,
Yet running into deadly sins.
Depression, scars, and anger devour him.
He drinks away his aches and numbs them.
Many have been where he is – near the sins.

To his seat he wobbled,
Pushing the gas full throttle.
Bad memories and his broken family remind him,
To drink away his hurts and numb them,
Until he goes full throttle.

And finishes his Death in a Bottle.





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This article has 34 comments. Post your own now!

nickykens This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 27, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Fantastic, the idea overall is good and I love the Death in a Bottle theme.  The rhymes seem... trivial?, for lack of better word.  I recommend some revising, and it will be perfect.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Thank you and yeah someone else mentioned that about the rhyming and if you kinda use your imagination you can hear the rhyme but thank you again i may just revise it some to make it better definately
 
MeaganNicole said...
Dec. 26, 2010 at 7:10 pm
This is fantastic! Amazing concept and the metaphor of "death in a bottle" is really something to think about. Great job :D
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 27, 2010 at 12:27 pm
thanks so much! i'm glad you liked it!
 
fallen-angle said...
Dec. 26, 2010 at 4:46 pm
hey i wright like you do i love your poetry it grabs my heart and soul leaving me breathless wishing for more i would be verry happy if u read some of my poetry
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 27, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Wow really? thank you! that really means a lot to me and yes! I'd love to look at some of your poetry i look at some now!!!
 
DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 7:40 pm
nice, the description was good.  i think you mentioned depression twice though, and in such a short poem i wouldn't advise it. it also seems like you tried to make it rhyme, but it was inconsistent and therefore felt awkward. is sort of... off beat.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 27, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Yeah  i see wat your saying and i hear the awkwardness that you're talkin about but i wasn't really going for a meter more of a rhyme scheme which - i guess if you use your imagination - you could hear
 
Lonewolf1213 said...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 2:06 pm
This is so brilliant; it describes it perfectly. I love your work!
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 26, 2010 at 10:02 pm
Thank you I appreciate it!!! :)
 
DeannaAnn said...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 1:49 pm
very very good. i hope this makes it to the magazine.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 26, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Aw thanks that means a lot to me i hope it does too but if not I'll just keep trying! :D
 
DeannaAnn replied...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 5:58 pm
i love that you reply to everyone. that is great. :D
 
alanacarlene replied...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Haha thank you yeah i try and i like it when i comment on other people's pieces and they reply back so i do the same!
 
AlexaConnor33 said...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 11:58 pm
This is amazing.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Thank you! I'm glad you think so :)
 
Katera said...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 6:37 pm
This blew me away. AMAZING i loved every bit of it, you have potential!!!!!
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Wow thank you so much! Your opinion means so much to me!!! Thanks again :) I'm very happy that you like this!
 
Katera replied...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 7:30 pm
your very very welcome! (: i would love it if you looked at some of my work, that'd be great to have your opinion!
 
alanacarlene replied...
Dec. 22, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Definately! I look at some of your work now!!!
 
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