The Fear That Gave Me Wings

It wasn’t the fear that kept me from the treatment
I should have received
Medication worked for hours
But it never allowed me to deceive
I could still stand out in the sun
Embracing the heat with open arms

It wasn’t the fear of being alone
After I moved away
Away from my family
They didn’t have much say
They couldn’t understand it was the best way
For me to move forward
Even when my body moved back
I spent my time outside to rest under an old oak tree
Listening to the boy next door strum away on his old guitar

It wasn’t the fear of making friendship
That led me to meet his hazel eyes on a cool summer day
I remember his musical voice when he asked me if I knew how to play
I knew nothing of strings
But my knowledge of keys was endless
It was the start of what would become our own affinity

It wasn’t the fear of time running out
His music was enough to heal my soul
The one thing my pain could not reach
We played together for endless hours
Every day was a new song
Even as my fingers grew frail
His music kept my heart going strong

It wasn’t the fear of losing hope when six years
Became six months
Not one tear was shed due to the deception that kept me alive
It was the one secret that I hid from everyone
Including his hazel eyes
He helped me stay strong while I took six pills a day instead of two
?


It wasn’t the fear of pain when the medication didn’t run its course
As he played his music
I could get by just as long
We took walks together in the month of August
And each time he questioned
My sweaters in the summer heat

It wasn’t the fear of our feelings growing deeper
When he told me he wanted more
That he wanted me to be his keeper
It was the kiss that sent fireworks above our heads and in our hearts
But it was the kiss that made me collapse
When the sharp intensity in my stomach was too strong

It wasn’t the fear of death and becoming part of the deceased
When the last month arrived
The month of December
In the final chapter my untouched soul would be released
In the months my body grew weaker but our bond had only gotten stronger
There were three little words that finally escaped his lips
They were the last three words I’d ever hear

It wasn’t the fear of my final day on Earth
When he held my hand for the last time
I lost focus on his eyes and my fingers lost touch
The nagging pain was still too much
I knew my medication all along would subside
His hazel eyes were enough
To keep me so long from going under

It was the fear of falling in love
Of losing the man with the hazel eyes
When my time finally came
But as the pain released me
I found Heaven in the distance
And it was the fear that gave me wings





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Mindl3ssRampage said...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 11:13 am
this poem soo reminds me of a story i read on fanfiction.net  idk if this was based off the story or even if YOU wrote the story but its so much the same....oh and i love the poem lmao :)
 
catvillela said...
Dec. 17, 2010 at 1:36 pm
This poem speaks to the deeepest part of my heart. It is utterly beautiful.
 
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