Cain Cain Cain

My boyfriend's name is Cain. Today we fought.

Stumbled home blinded by salty water.
Exacto Blade clutched so tight.
Knuckles white.

Slit my left wrist from palm to elbow.
Switched hands.
Slit my right wrist from palm to elbow.

Watched the blood hesitate.
Watched the blood flow.

Sleep.

Woke up in hospital. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Open eyes.
Close eyes when they say my name.

Sleep.

Open eyes in ambulance. On my way.
Institution.
Psych Ward.
Crazy Farm.
Committed.

Mom says goodbye.
Looks at me expectantly, blinded by salty water.
All I utter:
"Please Bring Cain."

Days stack like a calendar, one after another.
Run together like watercolor.
Swish Swish Swish.
Only words that pass my lips, like scars on wrists.
"Please Bring Cain."

I spend my nights in terror.
Wake up screaming his name.

"CAIN CAIN CAIN"
"CAIN CAIN CAIN"

Clutch sheets tight.
Knuckles white.

My screams mingle with whimpers of other girls.
Only girls.

Mom visits.
"Please Bring Cain."

Finally they decide.
They can't handle me anymore.

I am home.

Dial his number, disconnected.
Dial my friend.

"Didn't you hear? Didn't you hear about Cain?"

On the day I slit my wrists from palm to elbow.
Cain tied a rope around his neck.

Stumble to the cemetery, blinded by salty water.
Look down, lay down.
Open my wrists just a bit deeper than before.

They couldn't bring me Cain.
So I give Cain me.