If I could be who you wanted,
Things wouldn’t have happened the way they did.
I wouldn’t have been so unhappy.
You wouldn’t have been so disappointed.

Maybe it would have been fun.
Rehearsals would have been a joy.
My mental violence would have been minimal.

Casting might have been exciting.
Performances might have been fulfilling.
Classes might not have been so disheartening.

Maybe there wouldn’t have been so many bad days
angry moments
pure dread
tears
or lack of tears...

Maybe my memories of you would be happy.
The ten years we spent together would bring back a smile.
My dreams wouldn’t be nightmares.
I wouldn’t have wanted to escape so badly.

If I could be who you wanted,
Things wouldn’t have happened the way they did.
I wouldn’t have been so unhappy.
You wouldn’t have been so disappointed.

If only.