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Silent By-stander

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Well, here I am.
I bet you have a few questions for me.
What is it like being dead?
Does it hurt?
Am I in heaven?
Did I see the light?
Does it hurt knowing I’m dead?

Actually, being dead isn’t so bad.
I don’t feel any pain.
When I died, it’s like a weight was lifted off of me.
I feet lighter.
I think it’s beautiful here.
Anything I want to see appears in front of me.
I don’t get hungry anymore. Or cold for that matter. My body doesn’t feel anything anymore. My body has no needs.
I don’t even have to breathe if I don’t want to… I mean I’m already dead.
It’s not enough though.
My parents aren’t here, they’re still alive, neither is
my great-grandmother, whom passed away when I was 11.
I don’t know if I really expected anyone to be here.
Waiting for me.
Gran probably reincarnated years ago.
Honestly, I hate it here.
Yeah, so there are no responsibilities,
no worries,
no nothing.
But that’s just it.
There is NOTHING!

I can’t stand it here.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my dog.
Who’s going to take care of my dog for me???
And my little brother? What about him?
What’s he going to do without me?
He needs me!
I was there at my funeral. I watched from above,
as my friends, and family’s sorrow filled tears anointed the earth.
It killed me
seeing them so full of hurt.
It killed me
that I burdened them with a teenage death.
No parent wants that.
I wanted to hug them and tell them I was okay.
But I couldn’t.
I watched as my best friend struggled with the loss of me.

Looking back, there are things I regret.
Of course I have regrets.
I shouldn’t have been so hard on everyone.
I should have been easier on my parents.
I should have had a little faith in the cosmos.
I should have been able to take that leap of faith within me.
Before I died there was a guy I liked,
But scared,
I never talked to him.
That’s a major regret of mine.
Something I should have done, is had faith in myself.
That’s something everyone should do while alive.
Have faith in yourself.
Take that leap off the cliff like the well-known fool.
Walk into every situation blindfolded, ready for the unknown.
As for me, it’s too late.
Until I am reincarnated for my next taste of life.



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