The Tree

He died on the tree
For you and for me
To save us from
Hell's pain and agony.

He died on the tree
For you and for me
To save us from
Hell's depth and despair

He died on the tree
For you and for me
So that both you and I
Could live eternally

He died on the tree
For you and for me
To say "Well done thy
Good and Faith servant





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This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

Basketball23 said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Despite what a lot of the other people think, I think the rhyme scheme and repetition enhances what you're trying to get at.  I love it.  And the meaning of it is absolutely beautiful!  I LOVE THIS!!!!
 
sherberteater replied...
Apr. 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Hey, Thanks. I know it is very repetitious, but I thought it was necessary in order to get my message through to people. 
 
Basketball23 replied...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 8:14 pm
It was, but I liked it like that :D  And it's a great thing to read on Easter.  He has risen!!!
 
dead said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 4:26 pm
repitition can be good. but this is too much. it seems childish and simple. try to forget rhyme and repitition until you develop voice and advanced imagry. if you use these your work will sound more profetional.
 
Lothro replied...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 4:28 pm
yes. i agree.
 
sherberteater replied...
Nov. 17, 2010 at 7:34 pm

thanks for the advise. I will consider it. 

 

 
dead replied...
Nov. 17, 2010 at 10:05 pm
im glad i could help. i dont want to be cruel, i just want to help your writing style improve. :)
 
sherberteater replied...
Nov. 18, 2010 at 6:13 pm
I know you just wanted to help. You weren't being cruel. Thanks for wanting to help me. It means a lot to me. Hey, if you want, could you read my other works and tell me what you think of them.
 
Hope_Princess said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 10:00 am
Awesome, Hannah! I love it. The rhyming is very fluid. Keep writing more!
 
sherberteater replied...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Thanks, I thought it was rough, but thanks for the encouragement. 
 
distant_dreamer said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 9:12 am
Hey Hannah, very nice poem! :)The message is very true and i'm so happy that it is on here! :) Keep it up! <3
 
sherberteater replied...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 5:25 pm
Thanks Monica. ikr. I will try to keep it up. <3
 
Illuminatus replied...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 7:56 am

ey there's no book in the world that repitition in a poem is wrong..... i think that it enhanced the message that you were trying to get to the people who read it .... GREAT WORK  keepit up .... do read mine n tell me how you liked it ..

 

 
sherberteater replied...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Thanks. I will certainly look at your work.

 

 
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