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What's The Rush?

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A step outside, into the busyness. Bright lights slide through the pitch-black sky, cars whiz by. Isolation—lukewarm greetings, plastic grins, dying sparks in eyes. Live for the end of the day, end of the week, end of the year. What do you live for?
Skin, puckered and loose, Florescent-white wisps of hair suspended in the air. Struggling to stand, support in the form of smooth, arched wood. The support falls, spilling you to the cold floor. It seems to welcome you. Silent, shoulders quivering, warm pools around you.





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BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 6:49 pm
First, I'm curious why you chose to make such long lines. It seems more like two paragraphs than a poem. Second, the two halves don't really fit together. I really like the second half, but I don't really get where you're going with it.
 
corallee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I'm sorry--I mistakenly placed this in the poetry category. This is supposed to be a vignette.

Hm...I don't know if this helps, but the first half is supposed to represent the actual "rush", while the second half represents the effect of the rushing.

Thank you for your comments!

 
Raytheraym said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Wow, this is really good! I love your word choice! Great job!
 
corallee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Thank you :)
 
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