Opposite

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My life ebbs away,
Dys of suffering grip and tear me,
Nght pierces my bones and rips my skin,
M growing pain will never end.

I cry out but no one answers,
I stand up but my bones feel like their breaking,
They turn their heads and don't listen,
And once again i'm tossed into the storm.

No one lays a hand on a broken person,
When we cry for help in distress,
I have wept for those in trouble,
For the poor i've greved.

When i hoped and asked for good,evil came,
When i yearned and looked for light, Then came darkness,
I have became a nothing a no one,
my harp now plays mourning,
My flute plays the sound of wailing,
My life is opposite





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mandapanda9736 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 4:44 pm
this is really nice, I like the flow of the work. yet you do have some grammatical issues, like the difference between they're and their, but all in all this is a very good poem :)
 
Damara...C replied...
Sept. 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm
no it would be their because you are referring to people wouldnt it.... and thanks for the comments appreciate it.... and one more thing about my poem greive is supposed to be spelt grieve
 
mandapanda9736 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 16, 2010 at 5:05 pm
their is basically like a possession word, like saying "thats their dog" but the use of they're is a contraction of : they are. which would fit better i think. sorry, I'm a total grammar nerd :)
 
Damara...C replied...
Oct. 20, 2010 at 5:44 pm
hahahaha thanks...
I get it now!!! :)
 
Damara...C said...
Sept. 14, 2010 at 2:06 pm

spelling errors.....

Days of suffering grip and tear me,

Night pierces my bones and rips my skin,

My growing pain will never end.

 

For the poor i have greived.

 

 

 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Great poem! You've corrected the grammar and even though it's not correct in the poem, people should be able to fill in the words themselves. It's a minor thing anyway, since the poem is easy to read. All capital letter and full stops are in place and that's the main thing.    
 
Damara...C replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 10:15 am
thankyou alot i appreciate people reading my work it means alot to me especially this poem, it has alot of meaning to me. I express my feelings by witing so all of my poems are pretty depressing.
 
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