Searching

I can't concentrate
all around me, silence, forsaking me
what is soothing is now agonizing
the organized room is a mess, confusing me
nothing is found and nothing will be found
eyes flicker nervously, never resting
I need something to do, something to do
the hands run over things,books, paper, piano
nothing is right, all is wrong
I settle down on the bed, expression blank
looking for something not to be found
chaos inside the peace, shatter among the smooth
cannot be found, yet hopelessly tearing through, trying to find
closing the eyes, calming what I cannot calm
the battle is over.....
but the war is not