Starting Today

, davenport, IA

Today is the day i will forget...
The day i will move on and start over...
The past few days ive walked these allies with no emotion at all...
Numb and lost from what you did...
I didnt believe the words as i read them...
But something in my heart told me it was true...
That you knew you wanted someone other than me...
But when i did believe it, it hit me like a ton of bricks...
I deserve better...
I need something better..
So starting today i am better...

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lilmartz said...
Feb. 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm:

I like this, but I feel like there could be more to it. For example, in line 5, what words did the person read? In line 8, what caused you to finally believe? I also think in the beginning you should talk about how the person was in denial for so long. The last 3 lines were also a little too repetitive for my taste. Personally, I feel like this was a good start, but definitely has the potential to end up being great. Keep Writing! Nice work :)

Brokeness_Doesnt_Define_Me replied...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 11:34 am :

Thanks for the advice, i plan on using it to maybe redo this poem and make it better. thanks again for the advice :)