A City Filled With Tears

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Every tear represents a name,
and every name means something more.
Holding on to the never let go feeling.
Hoping that it stays in your soul.
Memories that will never fade,
with each second not cherished enough.
There will always be things you'll never get to say, and things you'll no more enjoy.
Though waking up is a little uneasy,deep down inside you know you must go on.
And when your tears finally stop bleeding... your hear will say it's ready to move along.





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Jandee said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 7:46 pm

Very, very nice. I loved it. The only thing I might change is the wording in a few places. I got caught up while reading it at "the never let go feeling." (I don't know what I'd do with this. :/) and "things you'll no more enjoy." (I would just change it to "things you'll no longer enjoy". Idk, it just sounds better to me.) and "you know you must go on." (this one wasn't too bad and could be left).

Overall, I very much liked it. ♥

 
Nirvana replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 10:16 pm
thank you jandee for giving me honest feedback. i like that.
 
Whylime replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 10:35 pm
I would like to second "never let go feeling" part. Was it a typo? am i reading it wrong? I liked it but really had to think to get a message out of it. love it darling, please continue to perfect your craft (:
 
Nirvana replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 10:56 pm
thanks for the honest feedback...i guess i didnt get my point across as well as i thought i did.
 
introducing.me_899 said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 6:20 pm
oh my God, i loove the word choice... this is truly beautiful :)
 
Nirvana replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 10:17 pm
thanks for the comment 899!
 
mandapanda9736 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 1:19 pm
oh this was lovely! keep up the good work!
 
A.Dreamer said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Oh.My.Gosh. I love it so much! I haven't read a free verse poem that flowed this well in a LONG time! You got a really good talent, I hope you keep up the amazing writing! :)
 
Nirvana replied...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 9:46 pm
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
 
MidnightAngel7 replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I totally love this! This is so beautiful!!
 
Nirvana replied...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 5:56 pm
thank you very much
 
Nirvana said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 11:44 am

thanks...i will make sure to check yours out

 

 
crubs3 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm
This is so emotional!!! i love it!!!! if you could please rate and comment on my work that would be great!!! thanks and ur really good!!!
 
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