Self Placatory This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Waiting behind the door
for too long
to hear you breathing
on the other side
hoping
that you would anytime now
knock

(and i would answer)
but nothing collides

and it hurts
like getting
a placatory pat on the back
after losing
and hearing
“Try again next time”
as if it could heal a spirit

that is why i
always stumble again
back through
the streetlights and ribbony nights
back to my bed
stroke your blank name
upon the blank canvas of my heart
and let the soundless dreams
wash them away

'til one day i can wake up
the next morning
and not remember your name
or what i was waiting for

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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Its.beautiful. said...
Sept. 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I applaud you for being one of the few poets to establish a setting in a piece, but as the poem progresses, I think the imagery tends to get lost in thought. In the beginning you state that the character is standing behind the door, waiting. “But nothing collides” telling the reader that no one answers, and that’s when the character’s reality gets confused with the character’s memory. Suddenly the character is stumbling in the street at night and I’m ... (more »)
 
kaiterbug said...
Sept. 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Congratulations on not having a terrible poem. First of all the fluidity of your poem needs work. The beginning had awkward enjambments that took away from how the poem flowed. For example: “on the other side -- hoping -- that you would anytime now -- knock.” As the poem progresses the line breakage gets better: “'til one day i can wake up -- the next morning -- and not remember your name -- or what i was waiting for” By the end of the poem the lines seem more cohesiv... (more »)
 
avidDreamwriter said...
Sept. 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm
First of all, I would like to say that your poem is probably the best I have ever read on the Teen Ink website. Your word choice does seem very limited though, as shown by using the word blank twice in two lines of your poem (“stroke your blank name/upon the blank canvas of my heart”). Stroke is also a very awkward word to use in this situation, and it didn’t mesh very well with the rest of the poem. After the lines “and it hurts/ like getting/ a placatory pat on the back... (more »)
 
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