I lose a breath...

I lose a breath,
A minute of my life
When I see your eyes,
Come upon mine.
They always seem warm,
Even when sadness is in your emotions
However, I seem not to care
Your love is the only motion.
I love to feel my chest pump violently
Even though I know, half of it is yours,
Even though I see
You are on your own.
This saddens me deeply
With no doubt,
Nevertheless, I shall wait
Until you shall noticed,
I am your heart.
Moreover, we will be together.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 4:53 pm

This is very nice... I especially liked the lines "I love to feel my chest pump violently/even though I know, half of it is yours"

some advice: change the line "However, I seem not to care". It just doesn't seem to fit, especially because it is told from first person

 
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball replied...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 6:52 pm
okay, I'll work on it some more.  thanks.  I love to get critism.  It makes my writing stronger, an me as a person.
 
--LoveHappens-- said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Aww this sis soooo I love it... It makes me smile when i read it and the word choice it great. Keep it up
 
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