April 14, 2010
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Like trying out for a Broadway production and never getting a call back
Like completing a novel and it was never published
Like making it to the playoffs and strike out every chance you were given
Like giving it your all, and not being recognized
Like…Falling in love and then given a broken heart in return
The joker smiles and it fills me up with glee
Not noticing how much trauma he was going to bring me
Even though I have been his best friend before this
He still wanted to kiss me instead of hold my hand
I’ve always loved him…I always have
He took my hand and rushed in the beautiful poison through my veins
It was heart griping and magical
That this amazingly perfect boy who I’ve loved forever
-who was totally out of my league- loved me too..
No way.
You see that was exactly it—no way
She-the perfect girl with the smallest heart I the entire world
Ripped him away from me
Causing my veins to unleash all the love
that had raced into my body, it was already accustom to it
I felt myself bleeding to death
My vision blurred
My balance gone
My heart there on the floor
My life slowly fading into the background of his
Waiting for the approval to be his again
To gain the acceptance
No more of this-this-this rejection
It kills me…
When I am finally whole, content with life
My heart has been restored, I am “fine” breathing…

I’m slowly immersed into a pool of relapse
He’s at my side, holding my hand again, telling me loves me..again
That I am the one...again
And this relapse is enough for me
It makes me whole
It happens every two weeks…
He is my addiction; I can not live without it
I can not live without him
My drug
Relapse is my only curse
Not rehab…Forget that
Only he can heal me—Hold me babe, you hurt me
Hold me because you hurt me
Hold me because you want to
Hold me because you hurt me
Hold me because love me…
Hold me because you did it again…
Relapse… Relapse… Relapse…
And the cycle continues..

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