Float

April 5, 2010
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Some people
will call fall 'fall'
until the very end-

I call it 'float'
'cause that's what the leaves do
as they descend.





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MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 12:01 pm

I like the idea behind this one, however I very much hate the repetition of the word "fall" in the second line. I know that for me it would read better if you had written it: "Some people/will call it 'fall'/until the very end"

Because in the second stanza you wrote "I call it 'float'" and not "I call fall 'float'". So to me it makes more sense to call it "it" both times.

 

And yes, I am aware of how hypocritical this comment is :P

 
Eilatan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 5:34 pm

Actually, in the original version I did write "I call fall 'float' ". I changed it while typing it, and then neglected to change the other one to agree with it.

are you psychic or something?

 
MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 11:28 pm

I like to think I am...but I'm probably not. More's the pity. 

You might want to delete this poem and re-submit it with the correction. Since this is a short poem, that one word makes a huge difference. 

 

 
Gretchen P. said...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 11:43 pm
This is cute:) Very clever, it made me smile. I'll think about fall differently from now on
 
amaranth178 replied...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Idea, stylistic technique...I like it :D and the picture you chose for it is gorgeous
 
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