I always think of him, that senior I call “Superstar”, who made me stop breathing if in the same room as me. I don’t or didn’t believe in “love at first sight”, but what do I call this? It’s not some infatuation crush, that would’ve died out long ago. But I actually dream of him, and wrote him songs. I can’t explain what I feel, I wouldn’t dare call it “love”, but what do you call it when you can’t think of no one else, you count down the ways to see him, or you can’t breathe or see anyone else when you’re around him. Or the only reason you go to school is for about three minutes just to get a glance, or when your heart goes into rampage mode when he looks at you or when you catch him looking at you. I admit I keep my gaze on him a little longer than most would prefer, but I’m not afraid of him catching me looking at him. I wish this feeling for him would go away, so I don’t get hurt or discouraged when he leaves this high school forever, but I can’t help it. From the first day I saw him , I couldn’t believe my eyes, my religious beliefs were low, but I swore it was a sign, that there was someone out there destined to be with me and I thought it was him. The way his eyes sparkles when he laughs, the cute heart flip when he smiles and looks at me, I could never have the courage to talk to him. I will be a girl who has fallen for him and he won’t even know it. I could write this “special someone” a thousand songs or a thousand pages on what he means to me. I will be in the background unless I can stand out. This is a fear of mine, him leaving me and not even having a chance. I never want him to go. Next year, it’ll be the worst; I’ll have to walk down the halls and wonder what ever happened to him and be disappointed as I look for him. This year has changed me and I’ll be heart broken after he leaves. I want to be the same freshman girl, who fell for the soccer player. My sweet superstar, you’ll never leave my memory.
April 16, 2010