I'll tell her

April 8, 2010
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"


I’ll tell her that she’s beautiful

I’ll tell her she’s the only one

I’ll tell her that she’s so smart

More radiant than the sun

5
I’ll tell her that I love her

Because she loves to hear it

I’ll show her that I love her

But I don’t have to cuz she knows it


I’ll play her the music
10
That always fills my heart

“It reminds me of you” I sing

“And I knew it from the start”


I’ll tell her she’s the best

The spark of my fire
15
I’ll tell her that she fuels

The flame of my desire


I’ll tell her that I’ll write

To her endlessly

I’ll promise to always call
20
To fill her heart with glee





I’ll tell her to be happy

And that everything is going to be okay

I’ll comfort her when she’s sad

And make all the bad things go away

25
I’ll tell her that I need her

That it’ll never be the same

I’ll tell her that I love her too

And that I’m always the one to blame



I’ll never tell her I hate her
30
And I’ll never do her wrong

I just want her approval

All I want is for us to be strong



I’ll tell her that she’s great

And that she’s a marvelous person
35
I’ll tell her she’s the best

Beyond means of deductive reason


I’ll tell her I’m so happy

To have her as a friend

But I am even happier
40
That I can love her in the end


The author's comments:
dedicated to all the girls out there

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This article has 10 comments.


on Oct. 9 2010 at 1:54 am
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

Thanks:)

and I don't mind about the critique, it's helpful, thanks. 


. said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 6:36 am

yeah, that flows a lot better (the revised stanza that is). To be honest, I'm super annoying with my comments and I search for things to critique on. It's not that I'm trying to be mean, I just really want to help people make their work better. Cuz I like when people do that with mine.

I really like the meaning of this poem to.... obviously... ;)


. said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 6:34 am
yep... you're right... that revised stanza is much better... haha

on Jul. 27 2010 at 10:06 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

oh yeahh... go down a couple comments and read the revised version of the second stanza  lol it's so much better

on Jul. 27 2010 at 10:02 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

haha  

I read it for my poetry slam:)  didn't win but everyone loved it   haha

yeah i'm a guy   and i'm single;)  lol


on Jul. 25 2010 at 2:59 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

The rhyming and flow need some work, I'm not going to lie. But, plz tell me your a guy, because I think I'm in love with you after this piece... seriously. Haha :)

on May. 30 2010 at 9:26 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

thanks 

Fat cow said...
on May. 30 2010 at 9:25 pm
this sounds lyk sumtin everyone can relate to.  haha keep writin, ur poems r awsome

on May. 7 2010 at 10:43 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

yeahhh...

the new version is 

I’ll tell her that I love her

Because it’s what she loves to hear

I’ll show her that I love her

And tell her that I always need her near


on May. 6 2010 at 4:48 am
hxcRocker DIAMOND, Haiku, Hawaii
59 articles 2 photos 88 comments
It's great but it sucks that you can't change the one part that you changed for the slam. If i were you then i would post a comment with the edited version in it


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