Faster. Faster

Headfirst, running.
Hand and hand.
Faster. Faster. We run laughing. Not caring about what lies ahead, but rather whats next to us.
Faster. Faster. Times slows as we run by.
Faster. Faster. We run so fast I lose your hand and run head first into the pit of despair.
Now I watch you running by with another girl. Hand and hand.
Faster. Faster.





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This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

luv2write4ever said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:32 pm
This is very good. Like EllieK said, it is short but does pack a lot of power. I like how it tells a story but it isn't straight forward. Good good job.
 
EllieK. said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:34 pm
THIS IS REALLY GOOD. IT MAY BE SHORT, BUT IT PACKS IN A LOT OF POWER. IT HAS A REALLY GOOD STORY TO IT.
 
burnt-toast said...
May 31, 2010 at 5:27 pm
very good. very, very good. YOu were wondering if you can write poetry? In my opinion yes - and pretty darn well! reminded me of a specific evening I spent, with a specific guy... but thats another story... :(
 
renthead101 replied...
May 31, 2010 at 10:08 pm
haha thanks...same with me about the guy
 
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 31, 2010 at 3:44 pm

Wow. Excellent. The only problem I had was the line "pit of despair". I feel like that description sticks out like a sore thumb next to the rest of the poem. Try different wording, to match the theme, the idea youre trying to convey.

Other than that, very good. If you get the chance, read some of my work :)

 
renthead101 replied...
May 31, 2010 at 5:15 pm
thank you! i will
 
sunnyhunny This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 18, 2010 at 5:46 pm
wow, I really like this.  At first when I saw the title of this poem I thought it would be about track or something, but this is truly a metaphor for so much more.  Beatutiful job.
 
joshine said...
May 11, 2010 at 10:15 am
I know how ya' feel! In track and I love it!
 
DestinysAgent said...
May 6, 2010 at 11:49 pm
Really powerful. :)
 
jonas_chic899 said...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 2:59 pm
aw...thats pretty deep. i like it!
 
renthead101 replied...
Apr. 29, 2010 at 7:08 pm
thanx for the compliments!
 
anonymous said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 7:58 pm
a short poem but filled with so much talent. one of my favorites! keep writing
 
lol101 said...
Apr. 20, 2010 at 7:56 pm
amazing! you are really talented :)
 
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