Blink And It's Gone

March 16, 2010
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And the snows that covered me like a second skin;
First lightly,
Me blinking the foreign flakes out of my eyes
Then tightening, hardening
Until I knew it better than I ever knew myself
Until I welcomed it, treasured it
Until a day without it was like
The earth gone blind
And I could not begin to fathom where the snow stopped and where I,
The I of a distant past, of the blue-winged dragonflies and pouring monsoons,
Began
If that part of me began at all;
If it was not lost already, perished, lying deathly still in a graveyard of my memories
The snow was my world now
And even though it was just an object, just a few frosty drops of water,
It was home

But when the trunks were packed and the tears suqezzed out of you
In those big bear hugs people only gave when they thought
It was the last hug they were going to get
When with three bags of chips and
Fourteen juiceboxes that turned your mouth
Sweet sour side-out
Tucked into our feet;
With all the motel bookings,
Phone calls,
Gas stops
When we set out in that little green car
The four of us speeding through
countrysides, citylights, alien towns
Speeding to who knew where,
What
Then did my cover break,
The snow slip off my shoulders,
Slide down my back
Slung from me,
Leaving only a thin layer of
Memories
Memories, so easily bruied in graveyards, that wouldn't go away so quick this time
That wouldn't slip away, be lost, but instead haunt me
And I,
Grabbing up handfuls as if I could stick it, the snow
Right
Back
Onto me,
My hands scaly red and my mind whirring from the effort
But it was too late, you see
Too late, as in life it often is
Too useless,
Too far gone
My decisions had been made
Whether by my hand or someone else's, it did not matter
For now I was left to step out
Venture into this hostile unknown
The sun's rays hitting me uncomfortably
So unused was I to this
Direct contact
Fending for myself in a land where no one would fend for you
There were no strong sentinels to guard me here,
No loving droplets or puddles to guide me
When I was alone
So I dug my roots,
Dug into the soil a quarter of an inch down
No farther, no less
I planted my feet down
Making sure I didn't step too firmly
Feel too deeply
Let something else become my safe exterior
Because I was my own now
And nothing,
Nothing
Could be wrenched from me again
They told me
Not to look back
I did.





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