Informercial

Oh infomercial,
You hypnotizing,
Mesmerizing,
Wonderful way to waste the hours
In the middle of the night.
Vacuum cleaners,
Cuisinarts,
Power tools,
Useless, over-priced crap
That not even a
Lobotomized squirrel would
Possibly want to buy.
Yet I sit there and I watch
As the seconds,
The minutes,
The hours fly.
Over-enthusiastic salesmen
Remind me over and over how great
Their chicken cooker,
Or whatever else,
Is.
Then, for one moment,
I fall under their spell
And I’m tempted to call that
1-800 number.
Luckily, I always snap back
Into reality before it’s too late.
“Call within the next
Ten minutes and I’ll make
One payment for you!”
Yeah?
Well, $39.99 is still way
Too much for a food processor,
Genius.

Click.
…
Ooooh. This weed eater can also make ­hamburgers!
And it’s only 20 bucks!