January Drownings

By January I was so completely drowned in you that nothing really mattered to me besides that look in your eyes and the way you mumbled "Yes Ma'am" when I told you to come close, and I told you that I saw potential in you, that you could turn out to be a very good thing for me and I'd be called a liar if my heart didn't skip a beat when you agreed.

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February rolld by on leap wheels and floating hearts and for once I was perfectly content on Single's Awareness Day, and we didn't say I love you or anything like that, but that was alright because I told you to make me fall in love with you, more like challenged you, because secretly I desperately wanted to be in love with you.

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A few weeks into March and I still loved your laugh and your smile and your kisses still made me intoxicated to an extreme point, still my favourite activity besides writing, and we closed in on my birthday and in celebration of my 18th year of survival you gave me a pretty speckled Goldfish to replace the old one, and a written promise that I still have with me somewhere around here...

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The rain came and went and washed us through April that by the end I was torrentially drenched through and through, and with school for me and work for you I honestly can barely remember everything that happened that month, except that somehow you managed to make me blush even when all others had been unsuccessful.

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April's showers brough May's flowers and I started helping your mom with her garden and eventually started working up my own, which I filled to the brim with lilies and daffodils of all colours and sizes, although Calla Lilies will always be my favourite and I can remember when you found that out, you laughed at me and asked why would I love something so simple, and I turned to you and said that sometimes the most simple things are the most beautiful.

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June was made of sweltering heat and less clothing than what we were used to and I was so happy about that because in my mind the only thing better than being skin to skin with you was being very close to that, and for once I was so happy for the coolness of your basement that I spent most of that month lounging on your bed and couch in shorts and tank tops from sun up to sun down, wishin' and hopin' that some how, some way I wouldn't have to go home that night and that I could just crawl right into bed with you and sleep curled up against your chest, safe, secure... sweaty.

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July was constructed out of ridiculousness and poor wording, cemented with heated arguments, near misses, and direct hits, and after five or six years my grey Chucks with the dinosaurs and the burning city hand drawn on the sides finally gave out to a state that was unwearable and I can remember being so upset that I swore I would never wear Chucks again, ever... that was until you came over with a pair of bright green ones with ribbons for laces and an apology, telling me it was time to start fresh and that you never meant anything you said to me, and I laced up the new chucks and agreed.

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August strode by and I started packing and took myself off to college where I was surrouned by good looking boys and their better looking girlfriends and for a few days my self esteem was in the tanks until you came and made me feel much much better, and after that the boys started hittin' on me until it got to the point where I took to wearing the ring you gave me a while back on my left hand like a wedding ring just so they would leave me alone, and I remember you seeing the ring there and laughing and telling me you thought I was adorable, but that didn't bother me because you were the only boy I cared about.

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My September was lazy and brutal full of homework and concerts that I went to just to take my mind off the stress and I dove into every pit I could just to hit something and to be hit because really my family life was getting out of control and for a while I thought I was pathetic the way I went to shows just to feel something, to get beat up on purpose, but you were always there with me and after the shows you would kiss my wounds and you never made me tell you what was wrong if I didn't want to tell you, and you gotta know babe that that meant so much to me.

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October was a month of writing and writing and writing; it was like inspiration was hitting every five steps that I took and sometimes I wondered if you it bothered you because all I ever did was write because even on Halloween when I came home to go trick or treating (because even at 18 I still felt obligated to go) I was stopping with a flashlight and a sharpie every few steps to write something on me -arms, legs, breast, bag- somewhere anywhere I could find to write on and later you told me that you thought my obsessive writing was cute, but yeah right.

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Sometime around Turkey Day in November we tripped up to your parents house and stayed the holiday, your sister (my best friend) trying to hog me the entire time I was there, which was understandable because when we went off to college she went waay out of state, like I had always planned but never managed to, but we still managed to sneak some time to ourselves and have a little bit of fun- which was always disturbed by your brother, and I don't care what he says I still think he's upset that I fell for you and not him, but let's face it, I'm much more compatiable with you.

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I started floating back up in December when Mother Nature was at her coldest, and I could barely breath half the time but you were always there to be my personal space heater and one night before Jesus' false birthday while we were cuddled under your bedsheets I realized that somewhere along the lines I had fallen in love with you, thus you had completed your challenge, but I couldn't tell you right then, oh no, this would have to wait until after New Years.

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So we've come back to the beginning and I just told you I love you and you've just kissed me full on the mouth infront of a million strangers, but that's alright because PDA was never a problem for us, and I still love your smile and the way you laugh and it's January once again and I'm still completely drowned in you.





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