Nation

February 3, 2010
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The pain rocking your nation like a 7.0 rector scale earthquake
Leaving buildings trembling under construction, destruction and abandonment
Covering your nose because you don’t want to breathe in the dust of the dead
To smell the of rotting, decomposing bodies lying, limp on the street.
In their restful sleep blocking the flow of traffic as day moves on
And seeing how it unphases you it is amazing
To add to the pain of losing your home is to carry everything you own on your back
They say salvation coming around but No one there, but camera crews
I hope as a nation in poverty you recover
I hope as a nation in turmoil and pain that you recover
You’re a strong nation that sheds no tears
Love goes out to my haition nation.
But it’s ok to now shed your tears





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sunnyhunny This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 8, 2010 at 10:49 am
I think that this is a great start.  You don't think that you expressed the emotion well, but I do.  There are a couple spots where it didn't really flow that well and some phrases that need to be reworded.  For example:  "to smell the of rotting" doesn't really make sense.  But other than that, really, nice job.
 
trblue replied...
May 19, 2010 at 10:33 am

thank you i guess?

,but dose it really have to flow if it

free verse?

now that i think about it sound like i comparing apple to a dead bodie. i guess i do well with death.

 
trblue said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 4:02 pm

COME ON PPL. I NEED FEED BACK.

IM NOT SOME GREAT A@! POET. I SHARED IT WITH MY ENGLASH CLASS THIS WK. I FEEL LIKE I TANKED SO DID I COMPLETLY. SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING!!!!

 
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