Somewhere in here,
Behind the
Feigned disinterest
There’s a part that sits
Calculating,
Forming a million “what ifs”,
And “how abouts”;
All the while
The unquenched
Frustration
Welling over.
Missing
What isn’t mine.
Wanting
What I can’t have.
Counting
Seconds shared.
An ounce that said
You cared
Would be enough.

Enter white knight,
Perfect prince,
On a white steed
For good
Measure.
Enter princess,
Delicate and fair.
The prince
Lifts her
Up.
Music starts.
They ride off,
Into the
Sunset.

But that isn’t how
These things
Work,
Is it

Stop.
Stop
Taunting
Me with “what ifs”,
Stop
Breaking
Me with “how abouts”.


No.
Better yet,
Break me
With hatred,
Scar me
With spite;
With sideways comments,
Rumors,
Slights,
Anything.

Just make it
Stop
Just make
Me
Stop.

There can’t be anything
Worse
Than this
Self incineration,
This
Burning
By cooling embers

I don’t want to
Learn
To
Live
With the fire.
To learn to live with
The “possibilities”
And the “one days”.

I want something
Real.
I want…
I wanted…
I…
Want…
…
Not this.