A while ago I had told you about a problem, and you weren't happy at all and I could see that. I told you I wouuld do everything in my power to try and fix it and I did. I thought I was strong enough to handle it, but sadly I wasn't. I had not only been lying to everyone, but mostly to myself. I don't know why I made a promise I knew I couldn't keep. I had hoped that with help from everyone and with the main source fixed that it would just go away and we could all pretend it never happened, but then something triggered it again and I got really scared. I was so afraid that things were getting worse, that they actually did. Promises and hope were all thrown away and dropped off the edge of the earth like they meant absolutely nothing at all. I had felt alone and like I had no one to turn to. I had a pain in my heart and a thought in my head that was my biggest fear ever. Once I saw the slightest bit of that in you, my fear was haunting me and corrupting not only me, but now other people too. I had really hoped that I was just imagining it, but I could tell things were getting worse. It hurt so bad to see that this was spreading to the people I truly care about the most. I fee like it's my fault that you started to see this problem too, because if I had never said anything, that thought and pain would've never been present in your life. I blame myself for this happening. I had you make a promise to me, and there was one thing I had asked you to do, and I had really hoped that you would follow through. But you didn't and now I see, that you have sadly become, just....like.....me.
Letting it all out
January 5, 2010