I slipped.

And yet again I'm
Stuck
In this downward (spiral),
With my feet glued to this
Cold floor,



And a
Sharp object between my fingertips.

I never meant for it to
Go this far. [the saftey pin's tip was lost under my skin.]
And now I'm left here,

Dizzy and scared
Because


[I drew blood again.]
And it felt like I was
Drunk
As I staggered down the stairs;
Running to the bathroom sink,

Hoping I wouldn't
Stain the porcelain


Again.
My back tingled as I
Felt the ghosts of my past



Welcome me back.

Nothing went through
My blank mind as it

Happened.
No thoughts dared to





Show themselves
Because every single part of me

Wanted
(This to happen.)

Oh, god, how the water
Stung as it entered the

C-r-i-m-e-s-c-e-n-e.
But part of me liked how



The water turned orange
And how the pain made me
Fly

Even



Higher.

Nobody could tell me that
What I was doing
Was wrong.
The pain rose and fell in
(Waves)
Of release, and built back up,


Waiting for another


Blissful moment.

I couldn't stop

My fingers
From working their magic,
Because As I pushed the
(Safety? pin)
Through my skin,
(Happy memories I had once forgotten)
Came rushing back
[And then I smiled.]

Happy memories don't mean

One ((f***ing)) thing
If you can't remember them.
Without a way to bring back
Those happy moments,
I.keep.falling.towards.the.danger.sign.
The danger point where

Once you get there, you
Don't come back
Is it so much to ask
Just to stay where I'm


Safe?
(If you can call it safe.)


But nobody knows
How
I smile when I'm

Done creating pain.
My world brightens from
Black and white
To bright, sharp colors
Strong enough to

Make me forget

That sometimes
I

Slip


A


N


D




Then





I



Fall.