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Scratches (Scars)

At first it was nothing
Other people had it; I didn't care
Then it became something with him just lying there
Short of breath; short of air
I took him in, but it was too much
No medical plan; no nothing
Our money was not enough

I prayed and prayed, but after the first week he didn't make it
I got so mad, I couldn't take it
As I walked back home, a cool breeze came in
I didn't shiver. I hung my head only thinking one thing: my dad is dead
I entered the house. I locked the door
I didn't plan to come out anymore
I said forget you world

The rain starts, and it pours hard
The sun is gone. Covered up by grey clouds now

I walk through the house with a feeling of unfamiliarness
Everything is quiet. Everything is still
The house is at rest
I go into the living room and turn on the T.V.
The news is on; America is fighting Iraq
I feel sick and react by throwing the remote at the glass
It shatters and sparks fly
I knock down the set as I walk by...

I was mad
Now I'm angry

...to the wall. I punch it. I punch it hard as if I was punching away my anger and frustration to- to God
I think about it. My knuckles split and bleed
I run through the house now furious ripping stuff apart and breaking anything
All the while I think to myself:

I should've known there was none
I should've known there was no one
I was born in the slums, and I grew up rough
Our mother left us. My brother died in the war
No money. No insurance
My father was the only strong standing through it all
But now he lays dead because I prayed and I prayed
He lays dead
This leads me to believe:

THERE IS NO GOD
THERE IS NO ALMIGHTY FATHER
NO SON OF THE LORD
NO JESUS CHRIST
NO ONE WHO IS THE SAVIOUR OF OUR LIVES
HE DIDN'T SAVE A LIFE
HE LET IT SLIP
NOW MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET AWAY
AWAY FROM YOU
SO I TURN MY BACK
I TURN MY BACK ON THE WORLD AND I TURN MY BACK ON YOU LORD BECAUSE I HATE YOU - THE WORLD, THE DEAD, ESPECIALLY THE DESEASES YOU CREATED
I HATE IT
THE FATHER, THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT
I HATE YOU ALL!

Now I lay on my bed in the middle of this destruction I made
I try to fall asleep, but I cry
This pain hurts
So much I weep
But in the middle of the night I hear Him
I hear His voice...

My child, have no fear
Do not cry
Do not worry
It was his time to leave
It was meant to be
He now lives in Paradise City with me

The word of the Lord
Amen.





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