To Be In the Military Or Not To Be In the Military

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My problem in this thing I call a life, it is not the memories on the way but the path I walk along.
The problem I bring with strife is not my fantasies in the day but what I had showed to be strong.
Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I did not chose to dislike the military vows that enclose me in reality.
But see the reality is that I do not want to see the opportunity that’s in front of me because I’m foolishly scared to be away from my family.
The money that financially can compensate me so pleasurably seems to be the right choice because the voice inside my head tells me he’d rather be dead then in my head then in my head.
Because I feel so much for my girl I make such a big deal out of this world that in my world is unreal.
I so want not to leave this place as quickly as I wipe the blood off my sleeve because I actually believe that I love this place…maybe myself is the one person I really deceive.
I need to pick one path before my world becomes sick with thoughts of a sociopath and then I laugh and I’ll laugh and I’ll laugh.
So shall I go or shall I stay, be quick and not slow or I’ll be brokenly as it draws to the end of the day?
I will know someday but hopefully it will not eradicate the sound of my breathe, hopefully I will not fall down and suffocate like the rest.
So here I stand alone on sacred beholders land, with this thought of a future for which life altars itself a fewer people come fueling the anger of an unchosen decision.
Yes, with a burning hand I planed to expand the wasteland that belongs in the depression slope of time with just one strand of hope to be left alive.
So I take one step and shed one tear with emotions that I kept deep within from fear.
I care for the thought of great agonizing grief this brought like a leaf fallen from hell’s tree amongst the nightmares that covet me in my sleep.
The endings the same, the world will not change…the answer is clear.
I only wanna believe in frikin’ anything but now my conscience is contradicting everything.
I will find a way to save myself this time, this choice is mine.
I can run, but I am tired of running. I can fall, but I am tired of falling.
I will not control or restrain things I do not understand; now I realize I'm stronger and a better man.
I give to me the means to burn the thoughts I had, these thoughts of living life as what’s bad.
So clear in front of me, what’s there is all I bare from deep inside…I sigh.
To be in this war I must decide but my heart is sore for what I wish not to implore and set aside my love for her.
I will stay but not delay my future, I will just play it by ear and see if life takes me with care into its grace and sends me into a place where I am safe with no need for fasting pace





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