to feel again would be a dream. for the space to be filled with what i truly desire. with i life i cant complain about, pouring out can be a chore. with never fully being understood, yet wanting to be myself. tired of filling a tiny mold, wanting to scream out. filled with empty emotions and broken strings, not even knowing what i need. always being told i wont understand untill i grow, but if only they could feel what is true, feel what i do. maybe then and only then they would let it rest. with fake words and endless time trying to be perfect, just to be told im not enough, then hide the pain and try again, hoping to succeed. one day ill be what i need to, or the least i can do it pray. followed by a fear of pure rejection, not knowing where to turn. always thought i was going the right way, always insisted i didnt care what others said, what others thought of me. but i got tired of being different, not quite fitting in. so, i changed to be like 'them'. but theres those times every so often when i wonder where i could have been, who i could have been if i had followed my own path. but im slowly going numb, no more pain. but with that i give up the feeling of joy as well. in a short time it will be all gone, pain, joy, fear, love, the whole bit. to feel again would be a dream.
To Feel Again ©
November 15, 2009