Daddy, I’ve been hiding from you

I sit here in my big chair
Feeling the leather arms with my hands
Trembling in my skin
But pretending

A fist is gently knocking on my door
And a whisper comes
But so many thoughts
The sound is distant
The sound of Your voice can barely penetrate
The fear that’s been embedded in me

Questions rise and questions fade
None finding their own answers

I sit here in my big chair
Feeling the leather arms with my hands
Trembling within
Distracting myself
So that I don’t have to answer the questions

A voice is softly breaking through
The rock hard layer of my dark atmosphere is slowly stripped
And I tremble
Because I don’t understand

If I let You in
Will You berate me?
If I let You in
Will You betray me?
For all these days
You’ve been knocking

I sit here in my big chair
Feeling the leather arms with my hands
God, how can I let in? What happens when I try?
If I give my heart to You
Will You keep it safe?
Or will ride the skies with fury
And shatter my frail existence?

Finally my shaking hand
Reaches for that door
With Your hand softly rapping
And pleading tenderly to let You in
I insert the key
I twist the knob
And there You are
And I’m face to face with God

Thousands of fears
Echo through my being
What will You say
When You see me here
In this foolish, leather chair
A weak child
Trying to make it all right

And with this I meet Your eyes
And I’m expecting anger
Unquenchable wrath
A deep and burning scorn
But what I see makes me melt
And then I look even more

A flame of love
Like raging candle
Flickers in those
Gentle eyes
Compassion
Understanding
Some kind of love that dies for me
Some kind of affection that is wounded over me

A mourning heart
That’s now found it’s joy
I see a Father
Looking at a long lost son
I see Him extend His hand
And grasp my trembling, pale fingers
I see a Daddy
Who pulls me close to Him
And hugs me
With the biggest bear hug I’ve never known
And I’m smothered in Someone
Who has made me His own