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Mother, Dear, Where Are You Going?
My throat burns from yelling after her.
My mother, my beautiful mother, turns back and looks at me, her cheeks as rosy as mine are pale.
Her stare is pleading and apologetic and it hurts to look so I turn my face away
and bite my lip.
Somewhere beyond the hurt and tears blocking my vision my mother starts for her car again,
and I yell some more. Things like ‘Lair!’ and ‘How could you abandon us?’ Things that are meant to cut deep,
But all she does is keep walking
farther and farther
away from me.
Which makes me spit more evil and nasty things. Things I may not necessarily mean. Things that really mean, ‘Please come back and hold me in your arms and love me again and we can be a big happy family’
I sob hole-heartedly and unabashedly
dropping to my knees and feeling the snow soak through my jeans and numb me. I feel my chest heave in and out and then I stop and dry my tears.
For what I know won’t be there…
my mother’s car in the driveway. And when my head creeps and creaks upward and my eyes follow shortly after, all I see is the tire tracks she burned into the snow
. Burned into my heart
I sit, in agony and emotional overload. Feeling nothing, letting my mind go blank and my insides go as numb and solid as a freezer burned turkey.
The wind blows my hair in front of my eyes and I don’t brush it away.
I let it blind me until…
Until my father comes out and drags me back into the house. Soaking wet…
Just like my dad’s eyes
,I noticed as I looked up.
And sparkling sadly just like
The snow beneath me.