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So Badly

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there's some people
like you
I want to hate you so badly
but I can't
because I know if I truly did
I wouldn't care so much
I shouldn't care so much
about what you say,
what you don't say,
things you never will
you don't care for me
I want to pick myself up,
walk away and never look back
I know I'd be better off
but I can't
I want to stop letting you beat
me to the ground,
leaving me feeling so
insignificant
yet even when I'm so down
I can barely think of anything
else but you
the pain swelling in my chest,
the tears spilling over
my bottom lashes and
sliding down my cheeks
uncontrollably
but noone's there, not even
the ones I was sure would be,
lost and alone,
nothing is sure anymore
I don't want to go
crawling back to you like so
many times before
but staying huddled in this corner,
back against the wall
I can't stand up and run away
I want to so badly
it almost hurts more staying
here than having to throw
out my heart to you,
give apologies for things
I never even did
it's too late to go back to
when I never even knew you
too late to undo all that was done
too late to ever forget
it hurts my soul to think this
because I want to so badly





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