Forleosan This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 7, 2009
You never liked to get
Those roses that I sent
So you gave them no water
And left the roses to wilt,
Those velvet petals wrinkled,
Their green stems bent,
Soon nothing remained of them,
But the fading rosy scent,
Perfuming the air that every day you smelt
And after some time,
You understood the gist,
Of what those roses meant.
Remind me how our days were spent,
Tell me where they all went,
Like that disappearing rosy scent.





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question-authority said...
Dec. 27, 2009 at 10:54 pm
To be honest with you I've read your other work and this was okay, but not your best personally. I just didn't like the rhyme scheme and found the sentence structure to be hard to read--like I read poems out loud to see how they sound and stumbled on the sentence length vs. line break, especially in the first two lines. I don't know, maybe I'm just being harsh. I do like the idea of the poem though, how the roses relate to the relationship itself.
 
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I agree with you. I do not do rhyme-scheme so well :(. That's my weakness when writing poetry. Thanks for commenting and telling me what to work on though, because it really does help!
 
RLJoy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 19, 2009 at 9:50 am
I really like this poem! It was written very well. It's such a beatiful poem
 
Quoth-the-Raven said...
Dec. 15, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I adore how you show the passing of time and affection through the decay of the cliche symbol of love, the rose. It is an excellent metaphor. You are also very good with descriptions, allowing the minds eye to picture the scene. I find it interesting that the poem is vague, almost mute, on what exactly the relationship is between the two people and the circumstance. Still, you can sense the discomfort and tension in your wors. Excellent job!
 
Melonn said...
Dec. 5, 2009 at 12:17 pm
i like this poem it reminds me of a tragedy
 
ultrabookworm said...
Nov. 9, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Your descriptiveness is perfect in this one, and I have to say I envy your talent for titling poems. Good subject, too. I liked how you added that part about the fading rosy scent perfuming the air he smelled, as though it never really lost its effect and was never actually futile. Was I right? (Please?)
And thank you for your comment about me in the forums *blush*.
 
Hannahbear replied...
Nov. 14, 2009 at 8:29 pm
This is so good :D i love your word choices
 
Aleketana replied...
Jan. 8, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Obviously others have commented on the rhyme scheme-- it staggers, and it would have been much more powerful had it kept in sync.
Otherwise, ignoring that staggering rhythm, I really felt something here and I liked the beat it created as I muttered the words.
I enjoyed the motif of the roses as an equivalent to a fading relationship-- classic, but true.
Thank you; it is beautiful. Perhaps spend some time re-working it as to how you can fix the rhyme scheme to increase the effec... (more »)
 
KPelliccia replied...
Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:33 pm
i really enjoyed reading this poem...
im still kinda iffy about the ryhmy though. other than that its really good
 
Akio-san replied...
Jan. 24, 2010 at 7:07 am
cute!!! i loved it
 
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