Regrets | Teen Ink

Regrets

August 7, 2018
By ccanales SILVER, Pottstown, Pennsylvania
ccanales SILVER, Pottstown, Pennsylvania
6 articles 0 photos 0 comments

A tight knot in my stomach

Unwilling to loosen up

I try to forget when your dark warm eyes twinkled at night

Gleamed with excitement, eager to see it all

And they did

Thus the unseen is now lost

 

It was a small spark desperate to light up

Hosed down and drowned suddenly on a warm winter night

The wood creaked, the car stopped

And it all flooded out

Poured out the window, the few things in my stomach

 

A flash of hope came back

As your tan, kind, strong arm reached to hold mine

A scent of tobacco and your cologne rushed through my nostrils

For a moment it all paused,

My blurred mind and trembling muscles were sane again

You held me tight and calmed down, the pulsing vibrations from within my ribs

The throbbing pulse I knew would come

 

And when you finally contained it

I felt it, I felt your eyes twinkling again at me

And my ambition to go in took advantage of the fragile connection

Of the immature flame that was starting to re-light

 

I pushed myself in

Agonized by your relaxed and innocent smile

The toxic substances that I let in

Threw my body to you

 

I’d seen that same vigorous snake eat me up, last Saturday night

It’s my fault I failed to learn, to welcome it back

 

Thinking that just last night

We had walked down the gallery and shared our views

Laughed but kept the seriousness in the art

Rooms filled with passion, color, joy, and sorrow

But I wanted too much, too fast

 

And every weekend I’m home

I can’t help to look back to that warm November night

I control the entry of those toxic little vultures

The euphoria that my body craves thinks back

 

Instead, I restrict my mind

Instead, I free myself from that meaningless November night


The author's comments:

Based on a night that I lost control of myself and took advantage of a delicate situation with a male friend.


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