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Regrets
A tight knot in my stomach
Unwilling to loosen up
I try to forget when your dark warm eyes twinkled at night
Gleamed with excitement, eager to see it all
And they did
Thus the unseen is now lost
It was a small spark desperate to light up
Hosed down and drowned suddenly on a warm winter night
The wood creaked, the car stopped
And it all flooded out
Poured out the window, the few things in my stomach
A flash of hope came back
As your tan, kind, strong arm reached to hold mine
A scent of tobacco and your cologne rushed through my nostrils
For a moment it all paused,
My blurred mind and trembling muscles were sane again
You held me tight and calmed down, the pulsing vibrations from within my ribs
The throbbing pulse I knew would come
And when you finally contained it
I felt it, I felt your eyes twinkling again at me
And my ambition to go in took advantage of the fragile connection
Of the immature flame that was starting to re-light
I pushed myself in
Agonized by your relaxed and innocent smile
The toxic substances that I let in
Threw my body to you
I’d seen that same vigorous snake eat me up, last Saturday night
It’s my fault I failed to learn, to welcome it back
Thinking that just last night
We had walked down the gallery and shared our views
Laughed but kept the seriousness in the art
Rooms filled with passion, color, joy, and sorrow
But I wanted too much, too fast
And every weekend I’m home
I can’t help to look back to that warm November night
I control the entry of those toxic little vultures
The euphoria that my body craves thinks back
Instead, I restrict my mind
Instead, I free myself from that meaningless November night
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Based on a night that I lost control of myself and took advantage of a delicate situation with a male friend.