Hi…
One word,
Two letters,
One syllable,
For some, it comes right out,
For me,
It gets stuck in my throat,
Every day that word chokes me,
Seeing how far I’ll go before I give up,
Sometimes just thinking about saying it,
Causes my body and mind to shut down,
Hi is the trigger to the self-destruct button I have,
When I shut down,
It’s like I’m standing in a dark room not knowing what to do,
And when I say it,
My mind screams WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
I stand there being awkward,
My body is just shocked because I actually said the word,
I am applauding myself for having the courage to believe in myself for once,
People around me just think that I’m just shy,
Nope, not the case,
My mind constantly yelling negative things at me that I sometimes listen,
I’m silent because I’m trying to control it,
Anger is a daily feeling for me,
Angry about how I feel,
Angry with the people who keep asking me how I feel,
That’s the thing about that question,
There is too many emotion going through my head,
That I never know how I feel,
Sometimes one feeling is stronger than the rest,
But regularly I’m lucky if I feel empty,
That’s when I finally can catch a break,
Where I can just breath and feel normal,
But that the thing about me,
I’m never normal,
A person with my problem is never normal,
I’m like the girl in the corner of the room,
In a party,
Waiting for her friends to be done to take her home,
But for me,
That’s normal,
Because what is going through my head,
Is the normal I always known,
So to the word hi,
You can be my biggest hater now,
But one day I will get stronger,
And I will be better,
That the word hi will be flowing out of my mouth,
Like it is my second name,
Because after all,
You’re just one word,
Two letters,
One syllable.