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On the mountain
May 23, 2014
We climb the mountain,
our feet sinking into the snow
as it glistens with each shining
ray of sun.
Icicles drip from tree branches from the heat of the sun.
I gaze up at the mountain,
the top covered with snow.
Thawing out our hands we stand in the snow,
warmed by the sun.
Up above us lies the top of the mountain.
The sun shines as we stand on the mountain, covered in snow.
© Heather C., Port Townsend, WA
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This article has 8 comments.
raysofsunshine GOLD said...
on Jun. 2 2014 at 6:56 pm
Thank you so much everyone for your comments on the poem! If you could get others to read and rate this poem I would be really grateful! I'm trying to get published in the magazine and I would love to get more opinions on this peice if possible. I will be sure to read, rate, and write comments on all of your poems as well if I have not done so already. Thank you once again for you feedback, it means alot!
PoetryGirl96 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 2 2014 at 9:12 am
I captured every part of the poem and felt it as if it was reality. i loved the discriptiveness of this poem! keep up the good work!! =)
GingerMonk PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 1 2014 at 9:07 pm
Fantastic imagery. My only criticism is the same as the other two although it's hard to tell whether a poet sometimes uses repetition as a tool or as a bad habit. It can easily be both, but this is quite good.
raysofsunshine GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2014 at 2:24 pm
Thank you so much for your feedback! I do agree that the words were repetitive. We did an assignment in my creative writing class and this was my tritina. My teacher told us that we had to repeat 3 words at the end of the lines at each of the 3 stanzas. But I think I might change this up a bit, thank you so much for reading it!
cookininthekitchen said...
on May. 30 2014 at 12:24 am
Beautiful imagery. I felt like I was on the mountain with you. Inspires me to go hiking. Great work!!
WinterRose76 SILVER said...
on May. 29 2014 at 8:58 pm
I like how descriptive your poem is. As I was reading, I felt like I was there too! The word "snow" was alittle repetitive, but maybe you did that for emphasis. Whatever the case, I enjoyed it!
