Sometimes

April 25, 2014
By WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments

Sometimes,
I feel like,
My world is left to burn.

Sometimes,
People say that,
They’re so sorry to learn…

Sometimes,
I hate it,
I hate the growing pain.

Sometimes,
I want to,
Just forget and play again.

Sometimes,
I know that,
What my Mum says is right.

Sometimes,
I wish she,
Could make me believe her fight.

Sometimes,
I get so,
Depressed and weaken.

Sometimes,
I cannot reach,
That hopeful beacon.

And sometimes,
Most times,
I can see my disease spread.

And sometimes,
Most times,
I wish that I was dead.

But sometimes,
Other times,
I hope I’ll pull through.

But sometimes,
Other times,
I’ll do it all for you.

Sometimes,
I try desperately,
To laugh, sing and smile.

Sometimes,
I think,
Maybe if I try for a while...

And, finally, sometimes,
I struggle on for,
Me.

And, finally, sometimes,
I’m selfish,
It’s ME.


The author's comments:
I thought of somebody suffering from cancer and their emotional turmoil. Hope you like it.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 56 comments.


on Jun. 22 2014 at 11:10 pm
SabrinaFaire SILVER, Odenville, Alabama
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You aren't going to impose the patriarchal paradigm on ME." Alaska Young

I feel the same way. This poem really made me connect with you.

on Jun. 7 2014 at 12:11 am
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM, Harrison, Arkansas
22 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it.
But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.”
― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

I really enjoyed reading this :) Simple, yet powerful. That's the kind of poetry I enjoy reading.

on Jun. 5 2014 at 3:16 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

Wow, powerful and simple, great job.

on Jun. 3 2014 at 11:14 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Thanks :) P.S i added in the beacon bit to lengthen in and the while and smile bit was just to add depth to it too

on Jun. 3 2014 at 10:29 am
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 861 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Meaningful, without so many words. That's really cool on its own. I agree with Love2Read72 that sometimes (rarely) the rhyming seems forced.. I.e. The beacon thing. But, I do like it nonetheless. I've had two women die in my life due to breast cancer within the past year and a half or so, so this really struck me with power. It's good to establish relationships with your readers.

on Jun. 2 2014 at 3:13 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Yeh i hate it when u reply and don't mean to :P thanks for being so kind about it. I agree with you when you say you think it's a bit overdone by the end. Originally, I ended at 'I wish that I was dead' and I thought it didn't drag on, but I wanted to end on a better note so I extended it :) I didn't know about the comma thing, thank you for that :)

on Jun. 2 2014 at 2:54 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Whoops, that was not supposed to be a reply, sorry :P Was supposed to be it's own comment.

on Jun. 2 2014 at 2:53 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1163 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

I think that the idea behind this is really great. The repetition of the first line starts off as something really clever, but I think the length of each stanza isn't long enough if you're going to do that - it gets just a little bit overdone at the end. Also, some of the comma usage here isn't correct - for example, you usally used it between the second and third lines, such as "I want to,/just forget the pain." The commas after "sometimes" are necessary, but not the others, you know what I mean? Anyways, just some friendly criticism. I really liked this and the emotion behind it is really great. :)

on Jun. 1 2014 at 12:32 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Yeh the rhyming was hard to do :)

on Jun. 1 2014 at 12:30 pm
Love2Read72 PLATINUM, Kentfield, California
24 articles 0 photos 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Taylor Swift

Really good. Sometimes the rhyming seems a little forced, but other than that, I like it a lot. I like the second half of the poem from "And sometimes/Most times,/I can see my disease spread." to the end.

on Jun. 1 2014 at 7:48 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Thank u for the praise and critisizm :) yeh, it would fit better if i did each two verses with changes but i won't re-post it cos i don't like posting stuff twice, there's no point :)

on May. 31 2014 at 9:41 pm
HedaBecca SILVER, Westfield, Indiana
8 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is weakness. Weakness is death. The dead are gone. The living are hungry. Feed them our fears and watch as they choke." - Tumblr

I absolutely love this poem. The repetition helps to keep the poem on track and to show how each of them are linked together. The rhythm is smooth,and not forced, and it has its own sort of tranquil touch even when it is about the emotional turmoil of a person suffering cancer. Around the end you begin to change up the first verse and use it twice before switching, which is a great idea, but would fit better if the whole poem went along with this subtle changing. Would love to read more from you (:

on May. 31 2014 at 4:24 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Thank you :) it was hard to write about

on May. 31 2014 at 1:31 pm
Kestrel135 PLATINUM, Waterford, Connecticut
43 articles 0 photos 256 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Respect existence or expect resistance"

This was a fantastic poem. It conveyed an illness - cancer? - ailing the character, and it described the hardships of whether or not life is worth fighting for very well. I like the consistent rhyming; it gave it a solid rhythm, and it flowed nicely. On a whole, good job! I really liked it, and even though no one in my family has died of cancer I have friends who have had to deal with someone passing due to it, which makes this very relatable. Even if it isn't cancer, or just any illness, it is even more relatable. Well done!

on May. 31 2014 at 7:19 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Thank you :) really sweet 

on May. 31 2014 at 7:17 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Thank u :)

on May. 31 2014 at 6:39 am
Sunshine2420 SILVER, Unknown, Other
9 articles 0 photos 173 comments

Favorite Quote:
A smile hides everything.

Its pretty nice...I love it!

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on May. 30 2014 at 8:09 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 527 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

This is heart-wrenching - in the best way. My dad has had cancer, and this is a beautiful poem describing what goes on in you're head. Really beautiful, I absolutely loved it :)

on May. 30 2014 at 12:47 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

I really like the way you constructed this poem. The short stanzas are catchy and have a seamless flow. Sometimes long poems can be tedious to read, but yours goes by quickly and holds the reader's attention. Great job!

on May. 28 2014 at 10:10 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
yeh i don't think this is GREAT but i cant do long stanzas sorry :) thanks for ur critiszm


SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!