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Sometimes,
I feel like,
My world is left to burn.

Sometimes,
People say that,
They’re so sorry to learn…

Sometimes,
I hate it,
I hate the growing pain.

Sometimes,
I want to,
Just forget and play again.

Sometimes,
I know that,
What my Mum says is right.

Sometimes,
I wish she,
Could make me believe her fight.

Sometimes,
I get so,
Depressed and weaken.

Sometimes,
I cannot reach,
That hopeful beacon.

And sometimes,
Most times,
I can see my disease spread.

And sometimes,
Most times,
I wish that I was dead.

But sometimes,
Other times,
I hope I’ll pull through.

But sometimes,
Other times,
I’ll do it all for you.

Sometimes,
I try desperately,
To laugh, sing and smile.

Sometimes,
I think,
Maybe if I try for a while...

And, finally, sometimes,
I struggle on for,
Me.

And, finally, sometimes,
I’m selfish,
It’s ME.



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SabrinaFaireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 22 at 11:10 pm
I feel the same way. This poem really made me connect with you.
 
Z.V.Oksana said...
Jun. 7 at 12:11 am
I really enjoyed reading this :) Simple, yet powerful. That's the kind of poetry I enjoy reading.
 
Ray--yoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 5 at 3:16 am
Wow, powerful and simple, great job.
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 3 at 10:29 am
Meaningful, without so many words. That's really cool on its own. I agree with Love2Read72 that sometimes (rarely) the rhyming seems forced.. I.e. The beacon thing. But, I do like it nonetheless. I've had two women die in my life due to breast cancer within the past year and a half or so, so this really struck me with power. It's good to establish relationships with your readers.
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 3 at 11:14 am
Thanks :) P.S i added in the beacon bit to lengthen in and the while and smile bit was just to add depth to it too
 
Love2Read72This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 1 at 12:30 pm
Really good. Sometimes the rhyming seems a little forced, but other than that, I like it a lot. I like the second half of the poem from "And sometimes/Most times,/I can see my disease spread." to the end.
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 1 at 12:32 pm
Yeh the rhyming was hard to do :)
 
Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 2 at 2:53 pm
I think that the idea behind this is really great. The repetition of the first line starts off as something really clever, but I think the length of each stanza isn't long enough if you're going to do that - it gets just a little bit overdone at the end. Also, some of the comma usage here isn't correct - for example, you usally used it between the second and third lines, such as "I want to,/just forget the pain." The commas after "sometimes" are necessary, but not... (more »)
 
Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 2 at 2:54 pm
Whoops, that was not supposed to be a reply, sorry :P Was supposed to be it's own comment.
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 2 at 3:13 pm
Yeh i hate it when u reply and don't mean to :P thanks for being so kind about it. I agree with you when you say you think it's a bit overdone by the end. Originally, I ended at 'I wish that I was dead' and I thought it didn't drag on, but I wanted to end on a better note so I extended it :) I didn't know about the comma thing, thank you for that :)
 
Nimbis said...
May 31 at 9:41 pm
I absolutely love this poem. The repetition helps to keep the poem on track and to show how each of them are linked together. The rhythm is smooth,and not forced, and it has its own sort of tranquil touch even when it is about the emotional turmoil of a person suffering cancer. Around the end you begin to change up the first verse and use it twice before switching, which is a great idea, but would fit better if the whole poem went along with this subtle changing. Would love to read more fro... (more »)
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 1 at 7:48 am
Thank u for the praise and critisizm :) yeh, it would fit better if i did each two verses with changes but i won't re-post it cos i don't like posting stuff twice, there's no point :)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 31 at 1:31 pm
This was a fantastic poem. It conveyed an illness - cancer? - ailing the character, and it described the hardships of whether or not life is worth fighting for very well. I like the consistent rhyming; it gave it a solid rhythm, and it flowed nicely. On a whole, good job! I really liked it, and even though no one in my family has died of cancer I have friends who have had to deal with someone passing due to it, which makes this very relatable. Even if it isn't cancer, or just any illness, it... (more »)
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 31 at 4:24 pm
Thank you :) it was hard to write about
 
Itsme24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 31 at 6:39 am
Its pretty nice...I love it!
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 31 at 7:17 am
Thank u :)
 
JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 30 at 8:09 pm
This is heart-wrenching - in the best way. My dad has had cancer, and this is a beautiful poem describing what goes on in you're head. Really beautiful, I absolutely loved it :)
 
WOWritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 31 at 7:19 am
Thank you :) really sweet 
 
WinterRose1976This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 30 at 12:47 pm
I really like the way you constructed this poem. The short stanzas are catchy and have a seamless flow. Sometimes long poems can be tedious to read, but yours goes by quickly and holds the reader's attention. Great job!
 
currently_liddell said...
May 28 at 9:47 am
Its very emotional I'm not huge on the short stanzas but theyre not bad they almost sound like your tired of pain which might of been your point.
 
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