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only fourteen

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Dear friend,
I thought about you today, even though I know I shouldn't.
I still call you friend, even if that's not what you are to me anymore.
My mouth is just afraid of saying your name
Those four letters that belong to you
will send a shiver down my back
and I promised others I would no longer torture
myself like that.
You always told me we were too young to love,
you said, “We're only teenagers, let's not be tied down.”
And I believed you because we were only fourteen,
but even at that age, the things we have seen...
I feared if my mother knew how I spent my afternoons with you,
would she still let me run off every chance I got with my new friend?

I sat in your room
on your empty bed as your pals eyed
me with a grin
That asked me if I wanted to try some,
I never been high before
Ready to soar,
I laid down on your pillow,
as my head started to spin

Dear friend,
Do you ever think about me?
Or are you off with those other girls doing
those things I always thought were special only between you and I?
You told me we should get married one day,
you said I would be your wife,
how can that ever happen if you're not in my life?
I thought we'd grow up together,
I thought we would be happy, even on the days with the rainiest weather
but it's constantly pouring on your side of town
and my umbrella is already dragging the ground

I came to your house that day,
so eager to see you,
I walked so fast up the street
the bottom of my shoe
and the concrete merely meet,
I knock on your window and you come outside,
I smile wide,
but all you do is stare.
“Come back later.” You say to me
and I feel like I could cry.
I want to hit you, I want to scream,
surly this isn't what you mean.
“Why do you care so much? We're only fourteen!”
You yell at me later that day and I can see you're no longer
who I thought you were.

Dear friend,
I hear about you from other people,
I hoped to hear them say,
you were doing okay,
that you had your life on the right track
I hoped they would say to me, “how nice
of you to ask about him, he does the same”
but they grimace at your name
and don't say a word,
they ask me how could
I ever be friends
with a person who throws their
life away, how could I ever
fall for a person so sick?
They ask me, how was
it ever possible to love a
drug addict?

Dear friend,
I wish I could tell them
of the times we were young
and so free
I wish I could speak your name
and let them know
you weren't always so selfish
and at one point in your life,
you were complete
but that old you has been faded away
and not once again was ever seen,
so I look them and in the eye
and reply, “I don't know...we were only fourteen.”




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