The Master MAG

December 21, 2011
By Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Once a garden in the valley,
Now upon a fiery hill
Holds the secrets of a woman,
A tragic, twisting tale.
Voices abide in every flower,
Tangled roses guard the frail
Body of their master,
Their dark-eyed master,
Beautiful pale-skinned master
With that cold, unseeing stare.

Moonlight only twists her hair,
And stardust hides her eyes.
And the unblinking figure
Is blinded by the light
That once held that master,
That dark-eyed master,
Beautiful pale-skinned master
With the cold unseeing stare.

Destiny had fated her,
A brutal, crimson end.
Full of hated, betrayal,
And the putrid sting of men.
Her very love had laughed,
As the dagger struck her breast.
And stopped her once-beating
Heart, a tattered, broken mess.
And that dark-eyed master,
That beautiful pale-skinned master
With the cold, unseeing stare,
Never once did love another man,
But welcomed death himself.

The flowers she once tended,
The roses she did hold
Wrapped around her body,
Forever would they stay.
Her hair wrapped in lilies,
With buds that erupted in gloom.
And the garden upon the hill,
The one with fire blazing in every stone.
Wept for its master,
For its dark-eyed master,
Its beautiful pale-skinned master
With that cold, unseeing stare.

Now once in a garden in a valley,
Sits upon a fiery hill.
And they say that if you wander there
On the darkest of the nights
Where the moonlight sits upon you,
And your voice is stolen by the wind,
A woman sits there humming,
Flowers woven into her hair.
And she'll turn to you and smile,
With that cold, unseeing stare.


The author's comments:
It took awhile but it's done! I know it turned out a bit creepy but I hope everyone likes it anyway!

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This article has 17 comments.


on Jan. 6 2014 at 8:59 pm
ImAKeeper SILVER, Missouri City, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."- William Ernest Henley

This was great! I loved it! Your desciptions, pardon the pun, were dead on. I was hooked from the very first line. Also, I agree with the others in that the picture was absolutely perfect and well matched. I have no criticism for you, my friend. The flow between the lines and the stanzas was effortless and the rhymes did not seem forced at all. Congratulations on getting the poem into the magazine! It was definitely well deserved! Keep writing and I'll keep reading (:

on Dec. 28 2013 at 9:25 pm
vegetariangirl, Hamilton, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being normal is boring - Marilyn Monroe
You only live once -?
A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit -Richard Bach

The poem goes along perfect with the picture. I can see why they put in the magazine.

on Jul. 25 2013 at 2:25 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Seriously? I'm glad you like it that much!!!! All your comments have helped alot! :D

on Jul. 25 2013 at 2:24 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Thanks! I'll have to check it!!! Hope it helps too!! :D

on Jun. 8 2013 at 10:53 pm
candlelightwriter GOLD, Kirksville, Missouri
16 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Secretly we're all a little more absurd than we make ourselves out to be"-- J.K. Rowling.

Why can't I give this 6 stars? Like why not? this definitely deserves it!

on Jun. 8 2013 at 6:14 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

TeenInk.com/forums?act=post&topic_id=16&thread_id=75017 You can try this if you want for writer's block!

on Jun. 8 2013 at 8:53 am
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Thanks so much for the support!! The thought of making this into a story is actually one I haven't thought of before, but it sounds like it'd be fun! And thank you again for commenting and (hopefully) rating. I've been having a bit of a writers block, but I hope to get back on my feet and post another story soon!

on Jun. 7 2013 at 9:56 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

black and white* Sorry!

on Jun. 7 2013 at 9:55 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Hey there! I love the title and the picture, they go so well with the poem. I loved the darkness to the poem, the lack and white picture seems to really blend with the darkness of the poem. This poem was strikingly beautiful. It was wicked and sad. The descriptions were WONDERFUL, you described everything so well, I saw everything crystal clear. The emotion in this is amazing, you did a great job with that. I love the use of nature in here it really fits in this poem. I love the repetition and the fact that this woman is called 'master'. The concept is great.. really interesting! I'd love to see this as a story actually. I see how much work you put into this, it is so detailed and beautiful. BRAVO. You are a GREAT writer. Congratulations on getting this poem in the magazine, it was well deserved!

on Oct. 23 2012 at 3:26 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Haha! I was waiting for someone to catch that!! I found the mistake a few days after I posted, but haven't found the time to fix it! You're right too; it was susposed to be hatred, but I didn't see it in my final read over.  

on Oct. 22 2012 at 8:44 pm
thegoldenllama BRONZE, Cupertino, California
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
猿も木から落ちる。

Well deserved to be on the mag! Congratulations! :) The rhymes are seemingly smooth and the plot is very unique and interesting! I think in the third stanza, third line, did you mean "full of hatred"? Instead of hated. Is that a typ-o or was it mean to be full of "hated" in which others hated her so much? Otherwise than that, perfect!

on Sep. 1 2012 at 6:29 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Really??? You really think of it that highly? I'm honored!!! For someone to think so highly of my work... I feel so happy for this comment! Thank you so much!!

on Sep. 1 2012 at 2:04 pm
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER, Lewiston, Idaho
7 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most would be content to take their own and depart."- Socrates

This is just... beautiful. the topic, the word choice, it all comes together for something truly special. It was a pleasure, nay, a privelage to read this, and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for treating me to such a work of art.

on Feb. 12 2012 at 1:32 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Thank you so much for the constructive criticism, it always helps! I'm glad you liked it too! I hope you enjoyed this as much as you say!

on Feb. 12 2012 at 9:48 am
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
Woah this is incredible. It's so haunting and chanting and beautiful all at once. I love it. My only suggestion is to look over the one line "the one with fire blazing in every stone" because it doesn't flow. It's like being in water and just swimming and then BAM you hit a rock. But then the rock moves and you keep on swimming. But other than that, FANTABULOUS job!

on Feb. 10 2012 at 3:32 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
Thx! It took me alot of editing, so I'm glad you enjoyed!

LaceeJade GOLD said...
on Feb. 10 2012 at 12:18 am
LaceeJade GOLD, Bucyrus, Ohio
17 articles 4 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
♥ I've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. But, i've learned from my bad choices, and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i'll know better next time and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve. ♥

Wow. this is amazing. You use such wonderful description. I felt like I was standing there watching everything happen. Fantastic Job!!


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