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Gravity

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I fall. I climb. I climb and I fall.
But I climb to fall.
I build so I can watch what I make crumble to pieces.
I watch the sand sift through my open fingers.
I let the wave claim my castle as its own.
I let it all come down on me, earth and ocean.
I have just enough power to watch myself fail,
Just enough hope to let my dreams die in my arms,
Over and over.
I am gravity and I pull everything down.



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iLove2write said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 7:12 pm
wow! what an excellent poem! your clear and vivid descriptions make it easy to visualize everything! great job!
 
allison99 said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 6:53 pm
This is amazing. Really, beautiful job.
 
Schubster said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 3:53 pm
wow...alot of ppl commented. Awesome job. I love the idea and how you executed it.
 
socalledlife said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 10:04 am
wow this is amazing!
 
sapphireskies. said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 5:36 am
Like everyone else said this poem is very relatable
 
lovebites said...
Jul. 30, 2009 at 4:11 am
excellent poem very relatable i can totally understand. ur a great writer
 
awesomeaugust This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 21, 2009 at 12:37 am
I know I am saying the same thing as everyone else but...
I really liked all of the truth portrayed by this poem- very creative theme of the sand castle and the ocean
Also, it was nice of you to use "i" but everyone is guilty of this... great work- infact, I think I'll go look at some of your other pieces

~I'd love any feedback that anyone might have on my poems and stories~
 
Twilightnme said...
Jul. 20, 2009 at 10:20 pm
this is... good. I dont really understand though. The poem doesnt flow together as well... but i enjoyed reading it...
 
lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 20, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Wow! This is so beautiful. I loved it.
 
poetman said...
May 6, 2009 at 11:58 am
This is a very strong and moving poem. I particularly like the way you help the reader visualize the hopelessness.
 
traveler said...
Apr. 28, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Wow. I can really see this poem. Nice piece of work.
 
rachel555 said...
Apr. 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm
this one is great!
 
lisadel said...
Apr. 27, 2009 at 11:53 am
inspiring and true. great imagery
 
This Guy said...
Apr. 25, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Wow, that makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Good work.
 
maryq1456 said...
Apr. 25, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Nice job. This is a great peom. Lots of truth here.
 
Ricky said...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 11:08 pm
That is me man!
 
Random415 said...
Apr. 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm
everyone does this to themselves at one time or another so we can all identify with this poem.
 
elliott said...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 10:53 am
this is exactly what i seem to be doing in my life right now. good to know that there are others who go thru the same thing.
 
quixote said...
Apr. 23, 2009 at 2:35 pm
i like your poem; especially the line: I let the wave claim my castle as its own.
 
Keenan said...
Apr. 22, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Wow! I could close my eyes and imagine this as a film, soundtrack and all! To me, at this time, watching something you create (be it physical or mental) and then turning around and watching it crumble and then have the guts to repeat it. Not insane, it captures the paradox of hope and despair. What wins? True genius!
 
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