some will find it strange
that I mourn the fact that I recovered from this
when so many others
never get better

but as much as I detested how different it made me
how I could get stuck for several minutes on a single looping thought
how it made me so emotional and easily upset or angered
and all of the other troubles it has caused me throughout my life
I still respect the fact
that it shaped who I am today

would I have been as persistent in pursuing my dreams
if I wasn’t always thinking about them on those loops?
would I appreciate the written word as I do
if I never became obsessed with the stories on those pages?
would I ever be able to use words like I do
if I wasn’t so bad at expressing myself without them?
would I be as empathetic or capable of understanding
if I weren’t ever so emotional?
would I ever be able to write and draw with as much creativity
if I wasn’t so different?

don’t get me wrong, I hated having it
a single random thought or noise
could make my brain repeat it like a broken record
I was always caught up in my own interests
driving away so many other possibilities
going from doctor to doctor
trying to find a medication to keep me ‘sane’

but now that it’s gone
and no longer diagnosed
I look back with understanding
on the impact it made
I give this send-off to my Aspergers not out of love, no way
but out of respect for it’s influence
shaping who I am today