Uncertain, Fear, Unknown Future

April 3, 2018
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Uncertain, fear, unknown future.
All within a span of a moment.
My emotions strangle my sense of security. 
The terror that rages through my head.
Causes me to be faint.
People. Many people.
All looking at my shaking form.
Do they see through my tough exterior?
Can they?
Butterflies in my stomach, there’s a fluttering in my heart.
Sweat forming on my brow.
I slowly stand.
I have to lock my knees to keep from falling.
Taking shallow breath after breath.
Black and white. A tinge of red.
My vision clouds.
My voice stutters and quakes.
Thump, thump thump. My heart is screaming! Can’t you hear it? 
Uncertain, fear, unknown future.
I string words together. Hoping that it is coherent.
I can’t feel my legs. Can they support my weight?
Everything fades in and out.
The vibrations of my voice flood throughout my being. But I can’t hear it.
I can sense the white hot glare of the people around me. Watching me.
I stop.
I take a deep breath.
The cool air slowly snuffs out the raging fire in my heart.
My mind opens.
I smile.
There, the confidence that I had lacked.
It is there.
Fear is gone.
I feel a calming hand on my shoulder.
My eyes open.
Everyone is watching. Can you see the peace in my eyes. Can you hear my heart? 
It is calm.
Everything is fine. I will be ok.

HE is with me.

So, freely, without fear,
I speak.






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